… I’m back.
After way too many months, I have decided to break my silence. I miss blogging. I miss the people I blogged with. And I will do everything I can to do this thing right and proper and to enjoy it as I once did before I let externals stop me from enjoying this as I used to.
I’m breaking my silence with a happy birthday wish.
Not a fellow blogger, or even somebody on my cyber friends’ list. My dude. The Yank. It’s his birthday today. 54 I think – more than a half century of being alive and five of those years, loved by me. Don’t suppose that will ever go away, regardless of how stupid and futile and morbid it may be – the heart wants what the heart wants.
Still, it’s not a bad day even for the love that’s far away and long ago. It’s a good day. A day to be celebrated. A person worth knowing was born on this day in 1961. He lived a life that made him a person worth knowing and when I met him, it was as if everything made sense. It still does.
I don’t know if he still reads me like I know he did some time back. But, because I can’t contact him directly, I will do this on the web for everybody to see just what an impact he had on my life. Still does…
Hey S 😉
Today is your birthday. I hope it’s a happy one, filled with the love and laughter you deserve for being who you are. You have been in my thoughts a lot lately. Things have happened that made me miss our time together. I’ve experienced things that brought home to me just how much we did share in the while we loved and lived. Your poem still rests in my wallet, never far from me, a tangible reminder of what we meant to one another and, in a way, still do.
I heard Stardust again yesterday. Every time I hear that song, things just tighten. My eyes become watery, my heart aches, my body remembers. Sure, missing you is an exercise in futility. Something that will never be. It does not stop the memories from coming. They are always at the back of my head, like something precious that needs to be taken out every so often, looked at, dusted off and put back on the shelves, ready for when I feel melancholy again.
One sad thing. My computer’s hard drive crashed. With all our pictures on it. Our Iraq experience, our Istanbul trips – all gone. When they broke into my house two years ago, they stole the Harley t shirts you got me. The necklace you gave me, the bracelet you gave me. But those are all just things. The memories of you and our time together will never be forgotten, nor can it be stolen. It will live in my heart forever. They are such a big part of my life that I’m thinking of building my first Toastmaster speech around the song Stardust and the memory of you. Think it will be a hit – we were good together.
I saw something today that made me cackle with laughter. A chick in traffic with a sticker on her car – remember the two in the pink, one in the stink? Oh man, I laughed and laughed. Just another reason why I thought to send you this missive. Because, as happened when we met, things have happened these past few days that strengthened my resolution to send you something on your birthday. I can’t be there in the flesh, much as I would have like to wake you up with coffee and a kiss, take you out for breakfast, or spend the day doing things you love, maybe go for a ride, or a drive out to the countryside and have a picnic, or even a whole weekend away, filled with love and laughter and the joy of togetherness.
My life has changed in so many ways since the last time we talked. Good things have happened, as have bad things, all serving to make me a better, stronger person.
But no matter how much I’ve changed, you will always be a constant. Not as much a reminder as a guideline, maybe even a goal. Although I think we set the bar to high for other people to match what we had. Still. Every day that passes, I’m more inclined to think that I should leave well alone and just live my life on my own with the memory of at least one relationship that did not fail because I was a horrible and uncomfortable person to be with.
Anyhow S. If you read this, you should know that you are in at least one person’s thoughts today and always. I hope the next year brings you more good than bad, more laughs and less tears, more happiness than sorrow, more love than hate. Hope you will feel sheltered in your loved ones’ embrace, content with your life.
And, as always, dream a little dream of me.
You will always be in my thoughts, my prayers and my heart.