It should be no surprise…

…that my ex still pisses me off.


We were married for 10 years.

In those 10 years we lived in flats. We lived in asbestos cottages on plots. We lived in rented houses all over Johannesburg.

Hardly ever bought new furniture – got lots from pawnshops.

Went on holiday maybe twice.

Weekends away?


Bike ralleys?


I counted. In the time since we met until we split ways – about 15 years – we moved 22 times. Each time something else got left behind, or stolen or broken, or sold because he did not see why it whould be moved along.

My mom’s old polisher. My grandmom’s little table, a 2 plate, old fashioned gas stove, an old drawer filing cabinet…


It’s now been 11 years since I’ve cut almost all ties with him – see him maybe once every 2 years or so on average. Seeing him is not very high on my list of things to do.

In that time, he’s moved to Belgium. Visited all over Europe. Went to the Canaries. Saw Paris, London. Went to the States a few times. Been to Namibia a few times.

Went down to Margate the other day to pick up a motorbike he bought. Just drove down for the day and came back. Reason I know this is because he took the kid with him.

Today I message him, for money. Get a message back – he’s in the Karoo, bad reception, sure, he’ll do it tomorrow.

Tell the eldest about it – he reckons yes, they’re in colesberg for a bike ralley. Apparently somebody invited them.



I’m slightly angry about this. Sure, I know it’s old cows, and water under the bridge and I’m better off without him, and all this would be really true.

What pisses me off is that he knows we’re struggling.

Not that it’s his problem anymore, I realise that as well.

But puhlease!!!

Don’t plead poverty every time your kids asks you for something, and then go gallavanting all over the effing country!!

Either you have money or you don’t.

And if you don’t, you don’t live in a huge house at Hartebeespoordam. You don’t buy motorbikes to restore them. You don’t have DSTV. You don’t keep up 4 cars. You don’t go off to Colesberg for a few days. You don’t daytrip down to the South Coast. You don’t fly here and there and everywhere.

If, however, you do, you should not say you don’t.

Not to help me – I will manage one way or the other.

To help your kids.

Because it’s your bloody job!!!


I really and truly wish I could find a decent job. One that would give me enough money to pay everything and have some left over to waste. So I can get my garden in perfect condition, with a lawn that looks like velvet and a sprinkler system, and soft, garden lights. So I can paint my gutters and windowframes with proper outdoor paint. So I can put in a motor for my gate, and have lights outside the house.

Just because I’m tired of just limping along and he’s jumping across everything in great big strides.

Just so I can thumb my bloody nose at him and say – I don’t need you or your money anymore. I don’t have to ask you, or anybody else for anything.

What you see here is my own hard work.

And I’m proud of it.

I already am proud of what I have accomplished so far, don’t get me wrong.

I just want it to be better. Look more like luxury than neccessity – because that’s all he understands.

Because, the best revenge is living well…

2 comments on “It should be no surprise…

  1. Hang in there Ghia. It took me 20 years to not get riled by my Ex. I still see him at family functions because of the grandkids. He still manages to rub me the wrong way. You are right about the living well part, that the best revenge. It took years but I got out from under and have a HOUSE something he never had and a car. Something he doesn’t have either. I know his mouth waters and that’s how I can put up seeing him. Hang in there. There’s got to be only one way after down and that is UP. I’m rooting for you.

    • Thanks Tess 😉
      it does mean a lot that I’m not the only one suffering from these little foibles!
      Admittedly, I have a house, bonded, but it’s mine, I’m not renting. And my one car is paid up. So I’m not that far off the bat.
      Now just for the decent job and some savings, and I’ll ba a for away 😉

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