Happiness…

…and the pursuit there-of.

Read the following :

happiness 1

A strange statement to make, not so?

But think about it a bit. How much of yourself has been shaped by your hard times rather than your good times? How many decisions did you make for the better when things were tough? And how many for the worst did you make when things were good?

I saw this statement a while ago on FB, It grabbed me when I saw it. And now I’m trying to make sense of the subject matter.

I’ve had a life. Still do. It’s not as difficult as some lives, but it’s not as easy as others. I have ups and downs, as do we all. Often I bemoan my fate. I cry because I don’t have a significant other worth the name. I feel guilty for the screw-ups I made with my kids. Low because of the mistakes I made in life.

But each of these experiences have added something to my life. I’ve not been happy for all of it, and I’ve not been sad for all of it. But I have lived to the best of my ability. I’ve taken the divorce and changed it into a lesson of self-sufficiency. I’ve taken the lack of manners in people and made it my life’s work to teach manners to others – not that they always appreciate it, but that’s their problem.

As the guy states – happiness is not really the default position. Wanting to be happy every day is not a bad thing, but it’s like eating your favourite dish each day. Or a treat. Here in the suck heap, we have a thing called Biltong. It’s dried meat, something like jerky, but it does not taste remotely the same. Biltong is a delicacy. Quite expensive, but really. Oh so tasty!The taste of it after a while without is out of this world. Imagine if you had biltong every day. How long will it be a treat? Probably not for too long. And then it will never be a treat ever again. And that, I think, is the point of that little quip.

Happiness is all fair and good. Something to be desired. Worked towards. But it’s not the default position. It is something you get when everything is just right.

It could be something small, like an empty highway on your way to work. Or a well made cup of tea and a biscuit. But it’s not something that you will always have.

And in order to appreciate it, you have to go through the dark days. The dreary days. The sad days. If you never have to treat your roses with pesticides or against rust or aphids, you will probably not appreciate the beautiful blooms when they appear. They will become the norm if you have not struggled to get said blooms there.

I’t been a mantra of mine for the longest time – if you have not worked for something, you will not appreciate it. If you study for free, the degree will not be as important as it will be when you have to work to pay off said studies. If you have not saved for you house, you will not appreciate one that gets given to you. If you have not earned your salary you will not appreciate it. That’s why I’m against giving. I’m all for learning and teaching and showing and rewards. But never just giving. Just receiving teaches nothing other than accepting. It does not teach perseverance. Fortitude. Being rewarded for a job well done on the other hand, well that does teach us.

One should be grateful for every bad day – they make the good days seem so much brighter.

And, instead of wallowing, we should live on. Through the bad times.

Because everything’s eventual…

The songs I chose should sum up nicely. It can go from bad to worse to brilliant – we should just let it. And sometimes we just have to live with what happened…

Twenty six years…

I’ve been unsettled these last few days. Felt as if the world is steadily breaking down around me. Fact it, this is happening, the demise of the world, the demise of values and morals and manners. It’s becoming a free for all with staunch value supporters being scoffed at and the liberal givers feeling superior because they are the only good ones.

Be that as it may. They will do what they do until the end, and there’s not a single thing I can do about it. As long as I keep myself on my own little road, influencing where I can, I should be OK.

Anyhow.

26 years ago I fell in love. Head over heels, arse over elbow, completely in love. I dreamed of him, sent him a letter every day, made huge Valentine’s cards. Because I was in love. Well, one thing lead to another and I eventually found myself filling up with child with no husband to show for it. Mom stepped in and the wedding took place. 10 years and 2 babies later, said marriage dissolved. Irreconcilable differences. I began a life on my own. A life spent at home and at work mostly. A life of want, of worries, of dealing with being thrown away like so many old shoes.

I managed. Screwed up, fixed it. Raised my kids, screwed up there too, hopefully fixed most of it. And I searched.

I looked for somebody that could show me that I’m not really as worthless as the ex thought I was. Looked for somebody that could show me how a good relationship should be. Looked for somebody that might like the person I’ve become, instead of liking the person they want me to be.

It has now been 16 years. 16 years of searching. Meeting a score of random men. Some good looking, some ugly. Some thin, some fat. Some with hair, some without. Old young, short, tall. Rich, poor – I ran the gauntlet. In 16 years I have managed to find one. One man that liked who I was instead of who he would have liked me to be. One man that saw me. One man that knew me inside and out. My dude. The Yank. The one man that gifted me with books. And time.

I thought I found another one in C, but, alas, I was mistaken.

And so we learn.

But in my 16 years of searching, I came across less good than bad. If I look back at some of the shit I got up to in the name of the search, I cringe. If I remember the meeting places, The sheer number of men I actually met. And for all these years of searching, one thing has made itself clear.

The instant a man tells you that he’s not like all the other men, and that you must not generalize, you can be certain that he will be exactly like all the other men. You, as female, are there for only one thing. And that thing is not your sparkling personality or even your cooking abilities. You will be called upon when the itch needs scratching and only then. You will be treated as a second hand citizen, being patronized and looked down upon.

And each time that kind of behaviour rears its head, I become just a little bit more hardened. Just a tad more independant. Just a smidgeon less accepting of people’s faults. Just less and less inclined to put up with the constant crap being sent out by men that ostensibly want to know you. Until they have you and then it’s game over.

In summary. It’s been 16 years since the divorce. Maybe my soul has a bit of a weak link. Insisting on reminding me of one of the biggest failures of my life. Not because I was the only one, but because I was part of that failure. That seems to be the reason for my general unsettledness these last few days. It should pass – it always does. Until it does, I suppose I will be touchy and grouchy. And just. Not. In. The. Mood.

This post was just to clear the air inside my own head. Maybe I can start the process to getting over it – yet again.

Hope your days have been filled with more good than bad…

On being…

…hard hearted.

Came across this quote today

“Nothing has saddened me so much in life as the hardness of heart of educated people” Mahatma Ghandi.

Right. Nice sentiment. But it made me think.

The Aunt and myself had a discussion about personality types. The Cholerics, Phlegmatics, Sanguin and melancholy – at least I think so. She reckons I’m a Choleric. Quick to make decisions, prepared to live with said decisions, but, in life, it’s not such a good trait to have – not when you have to deal with people that are more inclined to prevaricate than to decide.

Anyhow. When I saw this quote this morning, I thought back to our discussion. Note that he mentions educated people. In other words, mostly people like you and me. And yes, there is a certain hard heartedness that happens when you know the probable outcomes of your decisions, based on being educated. When you know that, no matter how much your heart might break, adopting yet another shelter dog on a tight budget just makes no sense. Because everybody suffers from that decision.

That being said, and it’s only one example of what can happen, what if everybody was soft hearted? What would happen if nobody took the responsibility of making a decision and holding to it? What would happen to the world then?

It’s not easy walking away from need. And you don’t always. But often, you have to. There is so much need in the world. And I have often wondered if the carers amongst us have not helped feed that neediness by giving all the help they do.

Take for example a young child. Just learning how to tie his shoe-laces. He’s not quite dexterous enough to do it on his own and if he can, it takes him a while. You must have patience. Not just tie his shoes for him, but wait until he has the hang of it. Otherwise, he will never learn how to do it properly. And will always be dependent on you  to do it for him. Take that analogy and loosely use it with the needy people out there. It’s not exact. There’s much more at stake than just shoe laces, but the principle is the same.

So, Mr Ghandi. You never really worked for a living, did you? You went around the world, being good and kind and soft – a Super calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis – just a joke I once heard. And you are to be commended for it – for who you were, not the joke :-).

But as soft hearted and good as you were, you would not have had the opportunity to be what you are, had it not been for the heard hearted educated beings on earth. Since they are prepared to take the responsibility. They will live with the consequences of their actions. Making it possible for the rest of them to be what they need to be…

When it becomes…

…too overwhelming.

I’m reading a book. I usually am :-) The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub.

It’s about a boy named Jack Sawyer. Travellin’ Jack. He journeys to find the Talisman, the Key of all possible realities, to save his mother and Queen Laura. It’s a difficult journey. made more so by some of the more “upstanding” citizens of the world. But he learns about himself. He survives. He becomes stronger. And he makes friends. Only one, really. Wolf. Right here and now!

Wolf dies though. Saving Jack’s life. And Jack is faced with shame for wanting to abandon Wolf when the going got tough. And he realises how much Wolf really meant to him – only after he lost him.

I’ve read this book before, a long time ago. I sort of still know the story. But when I read it last night, I cried as if my heart was broken. I cried because Wolf had to die. I cried because he dies inelegantly, but with grace. I cried because I knew what it would do to Jack. And I cried because of about six million other reasons.

During the bout, I was thinking. About hearing Stardust on the way home. “The memory of love’s refrain” About missing something I once had, even while knowing it could never be again. I cried because of the convoluted webs we weave. The constant search for some kind of meaning to our existence, not always realising that you should not have to go searching for your meaning on the outside. You have to find it in yourself. I thought about the dudes I’m currently conversing with. One, not a prospect at all, but somebody that seems to need something without knowing what, chatting the night away, saying things that I don’t want to hear from him. In my mind he will only ever be a cyberpal, and that can not change. But he seems to want more. Much more than I will ever be able to give him. I have to make him understand this, but feelings are going to get hurt.

Then I think about the other guy, still sitting in Sudan. Wanting to find a wife, somebody to trust, somebody to look after him and his best interests while he’s travelling the world. And he’s a good man as far as I can tell. He does not laugh at hormonal females, does not scoff at the things I feel, but we’ve never met. And I would be disappointed if we do meet and nothing happens. And that’s a very real threat – it’s happened before. But, what needs to happen, will.

I am just not always able to keep calm about it. Sometimes all these things happen and it dumps on you and you have to take a bit of time out, think about it. Sometimes, as with last night, you have a cathartic cry about it. And sometimes you just cry for all the broken hearts, and the high walls and the lost chances and the dead dreams. Futile tears for the most part. But they, like the dead emotions, the forgiveness, the hurt must come out. You have to cry them, futility or no. It cleanses you. As if you’re washing away the current hurt.

Of course, all these things get worse when hormones are involved, but hormones do not negate those feelings. It just makes you feel it a bit more pronounced than usual.

It’s been one of those kinds of weeks. the ones where you know you have much to be thankful for, but you sometimes miss something. And you can’t quite put a finger on what…

Hope yours has been good and that the weekend will just be spectacular!!

Who becomes…

a Communist?

I received an e mail at work pertaining to changes the suck heap’s government want to make to patenting rights in the suck heap. I am including the article in full, since I could not find a link to it.

It fills me with unease that the government are making, or trying to make, such huge changes to people’s livelihoods. And, as the author rightly state, “-especially when the proposed patents tribunal could serve as a precedent for similar tribunals with decision-making powers over other kinds of property”  If the current ruling idiots manage to get the little, seemingly silly things under their thumb, there’s nothing to stop them from starting on bigger things, in the process decimating the country even more than they already have.

Which brought me to my heading. Who becomes a communist?

i Wikipedia’d this Rob Davies person. Not a young man by any means. Well educated by most standards. Even though his Alma mater was Rhodes University, breeding ground for many anarchists, he’s still a well educated man.

Yet, he’s a member of the politburo of the SACP – our resident red idiots.Our Mr Davies went into exile. Lived a life of luxury probably in Britain, while spouting hatred against the country of his birth. He did not stay here and help, nope, he ran away like a coward. Then he came back, after other people fought the fight they’re still fighting, and now he’s reaping the benefits of other people’s sweat and tears. I can’t say I have much respect for people such as he. I have not run away from anything my life threw at me. And, according to me, if you do run away, you have no right whatsoever to complain about where you ran away from.

I always thought that, once you have an educated mind, with logical thought processes, you will see how fallible communism is in practice. of course, in theory, it sounds brilliant – to a degree. Until you realise that, since humans would have to drive it, the practice may not be quite so well thought out.

And, I can’t imagine any right thinking, hard-working person would prefer to share his hard work amongst lazy buggers. How fair is that? One thing communism does not do is prosper. It may look like it does in the beginning. Only until people see that hard work does not get rewarded with anything other than more hard work. How long before that grinds you down so you do only what’s necessary to not get into trouble? Just exist in a grey fugue because there’s no light anywhere.

I know myself, and I’m sure there are other like me out there. I work to earn a salary. With that salary I try to make my life a good one. I do not, however, see the need to share my salary with people that has not worked to earn it same as me. Work and I’ll pay. Sit around, sorry, no.

Which brings me to think that communists are inherently lazy people. They want to get rich, not with hard work, but by thievery and skulduggery and by stepping on people’s dreams.

I may be wrong. I don’t actually know any communists. Have not had the misfortune of ever having a discussion with one so I can try and understand how their mind gets to the supposed Utopia they think communism must be. I may be wrong. But I don’t think they can be as right as they think they are…

DTI EYES DRASTIC CHANGES TO PATENT RULES
The Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) is planning to implement ‘an entire change’ to the existing patent rules. Herewith below is the full article by Dr Anthea Jeffery:

The Department of Trade and Industry (DTI) has patent law in its sights. Before year end, it says, it will put a bill before Parliament which will usher in ‘an entire change’ to the existing rules. The department is also treating the changes as a done deal – even though the bill has yet to be tabled in Parliament, let alone endorsed by the legislature.
Particularly serious are DTI proposals to:

  • bypass patent rights via widespread compulsory licensing, which allows competitors to sell patented products without the patent holder’s consent;
  • limit the remedies available to patent holders in cases of unauthorised copying;
  • replace the present patents court with a new patents tribunal, which won’t have to bother about the safeguards for litigants in the usual rules of civil procedure; and
  • allow the state to use or take patent rights for little or no compensation.

The DTI and health activists claim that all these changes are in line with binding international agreements. These include the Agreement on Trade-Related Aspects of Intellectual Property Rights (TRIPS) of 1994 and the Doha Declaration of 2001 on TRIPS and public health.

However, this is not the case. TRIPS allows ‘limited exceptions’ to patent rights; but it also says these exceptions must not ‘unreasonably conflict with the normal exploitation’ of a patent or ‘unreasonably prejudice the legitimate interests of the patent owner, taking into account the legitimate interests of third parties’. The DTI’s proposed changes go way beyond this.

The Doha Declaration says countries facing AIDS and other epidemics can use the limited exceptions in TRIPS to increase access to patented medicines. However, it also stresses that patents are important in developing new medicines, thus reinforcing the need not to choke off innovation.

Binding international agreements should not lightly be disregarded. Nor should South Africans be complacent about this further threat to property rights – especially when the proposed patents tribunal could serve as a precedent for similar tribunals with decision-making powers over other kinds of property.

Far more effective ways to improve public healthcare are being overlooked. Instead, the DTI under Rob Davies, a member of the central committee of the South African Communist Party, is pressing ahead with further radical measures to ‘eliminate’ existing property rights.

The upshot will not be nirvana for the poor, but rather the grinding poverty and gaping inequality evident in other command economies. By contrast, countries which uphold property rights – including rights to intellectual property – have much higher average GDP per person, much better health, and much longer life expectancy.

Patent rights may seem too esoteric to matter to many people. But property rights of every kind are the essential foundation for prosperity, self-reliance, and individual freedom from the grasp of self-serving and authoritarian political elites.

*Dr. Jeffery is head of policy research at the IRR and the author of a longer article on the issue in @Liberty, the IRR’s policy bulletin.

Once again…

…with the idiots.

The post I’ve been brewing over for a few weeks already.

There are always two sides to a coin. Many sides to a story. This is about what’s happening here in SA. The local squabble that’s hit the newspapers a while ago.

South Africa is a land of plenty. The whole of Africa really. It has ever been mismanaged, plagued by civil unrest, outright war, constant battles between races, xenophobia of note.

Here at the southern tip of the continent, it’s about more than just black on black violence as it is in the rest of Africa. Here it’s black on white. And I’m not being all doom and gloomy when I say that. It’s not outright war, more of a scorched earth policy like the Brits did when they wanted the riches of South Africa and then the Boers said, uhm, no, and then the Brits burned the farms, polluted the wells, killed off the cattle, moved women and children into concentration camps where they died by the hundreds. Only then were they able to break us.

We’re there again. Instead of the Brits though, we have the African hordes. Many millions of people flooding into the the land of milk and honey, and finding nothing but corrupt government, empty coffers and general failure.

Many white South Africans have left. There are now full-on settlements of Afrikaners in many cities in the world. Many more have no choice but to stay here.

And this is where the story really begins. You don’t see it in the media. It is not reported on mainstream news shows. Every day farmers are murdered. Not just robbed and left, but murdered. Brutally so. Hit with the sharp edges of saws, burnt with hot irons, dragged behind their vehicles, drowned in boiling water. Women and children fare no better. A steady extermination of the white farmer is taking place. I’m not lying. I’m not talking without facts. This is happening on a daily basis. Everything we’ve worked for are being systematically broken down to nothing.

What the fools think they are going to eat once all the farmers are dead is anybody’s guess. Since not a single farm they appropriated is actually producing anything but more disorder and failure.

On the one hand, we have Steve Hofmeyr. Singer, actor and currently, activist. He says what people are thinking. He speaks out against the injustices. And yes, he’s an Afrikaner. Like I am. We’re not right winged. We don’t want to kill on site. We just really want to be left alone to do what we’ve been doing. Just to be allowed to earn a living and have a life. Mr Hofmeyr in in deep now. He wrote a book. I have not read the book, but it’s gotten the liberals and the other idiots, hot under the collar. And then I saw this article. We must ignore the man that speaks the truth? We must ignore the fact that the SACP, the EFF, the ANC, COSATU – every single party lead by black me, for black men have, and still do, spout racist remarks as if nothing will ever happen. And you know what? Nothing ever does!!! Every time they sing Kill the Boer, kill the farmer, Solidarity makes a court case. for which they are laughed at for being so stupid in letting it get to you. And those same fucktards doing the laughing at Solidarity are now doing the laughing at Mr Hofmeyr.

Why can a black man say exactly what he wants, but a white man can not? Why is it ok for the black people in the country to victimise a specific group of people, namely the Afrikaner, but the Afrikaner can not retaliate in kind? Granted. I would rather  not stoop to their levels – it is said, never argue with a fool. They bring you down to their level and then beat you with experience. But why should I be forced to become a mindless idiot? Why should I continue to pay my taxes, feed their greed, and get nothing in return? Why should 3.3m people be responsible for 99% of tax paid in a country of 55m people? Why do we still have to foot the bill, 20 years after it came due?

Now the naysayers are ridiculing Mr Hofmeyr because, according to them, he took offence to something a puppet said. I could not get a better analogy if I asked for it!! A puppet said it, so me, personally am not responsible. A puppet said that so the person taking offense should not – because a puppet said it. The comedian in question, something or other coch, uses a puppet when he does his show. I have never heard of him until the fiasco. He’s trying to get sponsors to boycott Hofmeyr’s concerts. Trying to get them to block Hofmeyr’s income. And he’s a white man. A little twit of an man. A tiny thing. I can break him over my knee he’s so tiny and useless. The gentleman that wrote this article, also a white man. And that is what makes it so much worse. I expect a black man to hate me. I don’t mind if a black man hates me. I can handle his hatred because I know where it comes from. But when somebody of my own colour ridicules me and my feelings and my rights, it’s somewhat of a slap in the face.

It kind of flies in the face of how you think things should be. That the people that, really, are in this together, supposedly, ridicule the point you’re trying to make. When the shit hits the fan, do these people really think what they say now will save their skins? DO they think that, once the real fighting starts, a ridiculing article is going to make the fighters think twice about killing them? Do they really think that, once it’s all said and done, what they say now will make a bit of difference in the outcome?

If you listen to my aunt and many other conspiracy theorists out there, and they are beginning to make more and more sense as things unfold, When you hear that they want to enslave people – and then you look at how stupid people are getting. When you hear that they want to kill off 80% of the population and then you read about Ebola, cholera, TB, AIDS. When you hear that they don’t want thinking people, they want the puppets, the idiots that will follow where lead and then you look at our current government officials. That has not had one single success story in the 20 years they’ve been in power. NOT ONE!! Yet, they are still in power. They are still making idiotic decisions that other people have to pay for, and they still blame the white Boer for their failures…

There. I’ve washed this out of my system for now. I suppose this saga is going to carry on for a while still. Or something else might overshadow it. But I, for one, can’t just sit back and let happen what, according to me, is just wrong. And should be seen as wrong by anybody with half a brain, regardless of their beliefs.

The idiots are winning…

And nobody is seeing it.

A while ago, I stopped reading newspapers. i stopped watching television news. I stopped listening to radio news. Not because I don’t think what’s going on outside is important. Because I see all the things that’s happening, and I see also, they are going around and around in circles. And the more you know about one thing, the more you see in the others.

Then I thought, let me join a few FB sites. Just little tidbits that will keep me up to date with what’s going on in my own country.

And yes. Based on the few snippets I do see, the idiots are definitely winning.

The liberal white idiots.

The liberal black idiots.

The idiots in government.

The idiots at the head of our parastatals.

Even the conservative white idiots

The conservative black idiots.

Then I read Ayne Rand, and I see the idiots have always been there. Then I read comments on random FB posts and I see the idiots are a part of my people.

And I have to wonder at the power of misdirection. Any number of things happening currently is the direct result of misdirection. And the lone realistic voices that speak out against it, well, they’re laughed at. Ridiculed. Made less than they are.

That people have been so indoctrinated by human rights and being entitled to whatever they see, that they lose sight of what humans should really be entitled to – to earn and honest day’s wage with an honest day’s work. To have a work ethic. To earn the things they work for, and to strive to make life better for them. Not by receiving, but by working.

I’m thinking on a post about a brewing issue between two factions. A local squabble. Conservative and liberal. Both white men. Both outspoken. But one is trying to destroy the other’s livelihood, while the other is basically just saying what too many people are too yellow to admit because they’re scared of the consequences. The coward’s way – easy and comfortable, hiding behind the masses. Rather follow the stream than see what’s going on.

I may write it, I may not. What I do know – it has crept up on me, these squabbles. It has become something I know about. Something that upsets me. And that’s one thing I can live without.

Anyhow.

Hope your day, your afternoon, your evening – whatever your time zone – is a good one ;-)

Shits & giggles.

Or something to that effect.

Quite a while ago, I “liked” a FB singles group. Mostly it’s just a bunch of people wallowing in the fact that they’re single, many of them can be conservatively classed as, um, strange, but they often have good little quotes and anecdotes that I can, in turn, share with the rest of the world.

But, since it’s a site for singles, sometimes a friend request from a man will come through and the chatting ensues. First on FB, then you move over to whatsapp or whatever you prefer to use.

This then happened. Friend request from this person. His FB header was a whole lot of Terry Pratchett books, which scored him some major brownie points. Alas.

Brownie points or not, he does not pass muster.

31 years old. Lives with his pensioner mom. Does not have a car. IT guy – typically so with the thin neck, sallow complexion, head too big for his body. And seems to think that the BDSM lifestyle is just the thing for him, He’s a Dom you see. Imagine one of those disbelieving smiley faces and superimpose it on my face. My exact words, after I finished giggling, was that I can’t see myself letting a boy do a man’s work ;-)

Apparently he had one of these kinked up relationships. His first one. With an ancient like me. Of course, it goes without saying that all ancients have read the 50 shades of grey crap and just loved the crap out of it and just can’t wait to find some random youngster to try the crap out with. No. Not this particular ancient so much. I hated the book, will not read the rest and am doubtful if I want to see the movie.

And. If I do decide to let somebody tie me up, I have to be 600% certain that he knows what he’s doing. And is comfortable enough in his skin to know when enough is enough. That he’s an actual Alpha male and not just a pip squeak trying to be Alpha because everywhere else in his life he sucks ass!!

Every day humanity throws something at me that I can’t quite grasp. It’s not really surprising, but it is silly. And I’m not in the mood to be the recipient of their inanities anymore.

On the upside, I am chatting to yet another dude, a Rhodesian this time, but he works in Africa somewhere. Not a young man, seems nice so far, laugh at my jokes ;-) Time will tell what, if anything, will happen with that. I am, as ever, cautiously optimistic, but very realistic – life tends to happen when we’re not looking.

Irritations…

They’re never big things.

They are, however, irritating.

Howdy folks. You are the honoured reciients of my first blog post in my new and improved and, above all, ordered study!! Took me three weeks to get it to the state it is currently in, but man was it worth it!! Everything in it’s place and a place for everything – a dream come true! Seems a lot of dreams coming true this year, but that’s for a year end blog ;-)

Back to my irritations.

I’ve been extolling the virtues of the iPhone since I got my first one in 2011. As far as I’m concerned, I will never use another phone. My iPhone does what it needs to do, when it needs to do it, with the minimum amount of fuss.

Sure, you have to download apps for this and apps for that, but once you have, you never have to worry about a single thing ever again.

In the more than three years, not a single person in my immediate circle changed to iPhones when their contracts were due. I have to wonder if it’s because people think I don’t know what I’m talking about or that I’m just not trustworthy. Be that as it may, they are ultimately the person that has to make the decision and live with it.

It so happens that my buddy Theo eventually went from Blackberry to iPhone. Of course he got the new iPhone6 of which I am slightly envious, but hey. It is what it is.

After he told me that he made the change, I offered my help. Gladly. Not because I’m so knowledgeable on all the usages of the phone, but because I want his experience to be as smooth as possible.

I get a call a while ago. “DO you know that I want to give back the iphone and get a blackberry?” I’m asked. Why would you do that?

Turns out he’s pissed because you can’t just tell the phone to use a song for a ringtone and it’s done. I knew about this, but honestly. How big of an issue is not having a specific tune as a ringtone? And it’s not insurmountable – there’s an app for that.

My notes did not copy correctly. Well, there’s an app for that too. You just have to do the research.

How do I get the flash to not flash all the time. Seriously? Never push buttons do you? Never wonder what this particular icon does?

Why is there no reminders on the calender? Dude!! Get real!! Of course there’s a reminder function on the phone!! You just need to look at the effing screen and press the bloody plus sign. It’s that easy.

Does it open Office docs? No. Probably not. Since you’re using an Apple device and not a windows device. How difficult is it to just open you internet browser and checking these things?

What apps do I need to download to get this phone to do the things an entry level Nokia can do. Suffice to say, I was slightly pissed at that remark. If you wanted an entry level Nokia, you should have gotten one.

So now, after he’s made the decision to get an iPhone as opposed to the Samsung, and he’s not happy with having to use iTunes because, according to him, it’s unfriendly, I get the blame for it?

Did I hold a gun to your head? Did I force you to get the phone? If you had doubts you should not have gone for it in the first place. But I’ll not let you blame me because you feel that not having your own ringtones on the phone as a big bloody deal!!

I don’t use my phone for office stuff. I don’t open office docs on the phone. That’s what I have a PC for. And the PC I currently have does not even have office on it, so I have to use the work PC for office files.

But I’m really pissed because his attitude is accusing. I will not be held responsible for a decision you made of your own free will. If you’re so weak that people can sway you, don’t make it my problem.

I don’t follow. I don’t lead. I just live my life as I see fit. If you choose to follow, bargain. But don’t blame me for the decisions you make while following!

To top it all, he’s a bloke. And they would rather die than ask for help it would seem…

How ever much unhappy he is with the iPhone, I’m still happy with mine.

And really. It’s just a phone. A communication device. That you’ve only had for the past few years. It’s replaceable, and ultimately, if you really wanted to, you could get along without it.

Really. The more I have to do with humans, the more I like my dogs!!

Hope your weekend was a good one, and the week to follow just brilliant!

Perspectives…

And how different they are

Posted something on FB today. From a website called I’m fed up with your lies and cheating. Something to the effect of when somebody cheats on you, it was their choice. They chose to lie and hurt you. It’s not your fault.

When you look at it superficially, it is true. I was in one of those relationships. Where lies were told regularly, and cheating became the order of the day. That’s neither here nor there. The relationship has been over for many years, and I’ve not experienced a cheating man since. Mainly because they don’t stay around long enough to cheat. And I’ve not been bothered about it all that much. If you’re going to cheat, you’re going to cheat. I can’t stop that from happening, and I can certainly not change it. What I can change though is my behaviour towards it which would be to make sure that I don’t really care all that much. Not right, I know, but it’s worked for me.

Anyhow. Back to the post. One of my regular readers, both here and on FB commented on the post. That if your needs are not being satisfied in the current relationship, the search for love continues. Which is fine. Let it continue. The search I mean. It would be preferable though, to let go of the one not meeting your needs while you look for the one that does.

I’m the last person that will insist two people stay together because it’s less hassle than forging ahead with something new, or on their own. I’m the first person to advise a split if the complaining is more than  the joys.

And there-in lies the problem. People cheat. Granted, more men than women, but both sexes cheat. Why? End the relationship. Go find somebody new. OR just never have relationships, just have loose little dalliances.

But no. We want our cake and we want to eat it too. We want the comfortable back door of an existing relationship, buffering us against the storms most single people have to ford. We want the excitement of a first kiss, a first glance, a first touch, but when the firsts are all over, we want to be safe in the knowledge that we won’t have to face dark empty days ahead. We want the comforts of home. Where things are maybe not as exciting, but they are known.

If you look to the post again, and you dig deeper, you come across a massive can of worms. In some cases, you can change enough to meet the person’s needs, without losing yourself in the process. In some cases, should the partners actually have some emotions invested in the relationship, they may talk about it, find a golden midway option, make a compromise, go for counselling. If emotions are invested. In most other cases though, you change. You lose yourself. You become a different person. And you can still not meet their needs. Yet they never leave. They go for the their dalliances, keeping you on hold, and when they tire of the excitement, they come back home. And they will do this again and again, until you stop it. They never will. You have to stop the cycle and make yourself realise that it’s never going to be different.

As I said. I’ve been there. I was the one to stop the circle. I was the one that said no more. But not many other people are able to make that decision. By the time you get close to it, you’re so completely floored that you can’t see a way out. You can’t see a different life than the one you have. You can’t see yourself anymore. And it’s a long hard struggle to get that back again.

To end with. If you’re unhappy enough with  your current partner to start looking around – do both of you a favour and can the one before you start the other one. You’re only perpetuating heartache and sadness and one day, one day it will be repaid. In spades. And you won’t like it all that much.

If you can’t or won’t can it, just don’t screw around! You can sort out anything if you really want to. It boils down to three choices. You accept it, you change it or you move on. Pick one and stick to it.

As for myself, currently, I’m trying to get through a very long Friday afternoon hoping I’ll stay awake. I’m alone in the office – everybody else is busy with training, it’s oppressively hot, very quiet. And I’m wondering if I want to do the NANoWriMo again – starting tomorrow…

I’ll see how I feel about it when I open my eyes tomorrow. In the meantime, long days and pleasant nights…