Don’t know how to do this anymore.
Send an application through this afternoon at about 3. When I got home 3 hours later and opened my e mail, the rejection letter was already waiting for me. WTF!!! What am I going to do? Why does nobody want to employ me? Am I really that useless? Or is it just a question of there being a whole lot younger, tighter and degreed people willing to do anything…
This just sucks. No. It does not just suck. It seems to be the end of my world as I know it actually.
And to top it all, when I got home, there was a letter in my post box. Which is currently my drive way, but we’ll not go there just yet.
From the vet I took my old man to. Saturday it will be three weeks ago.
And reading this just opened the taps again…
If it should be
if it should be that I grow frail and weak
and pain should keep me from my sleep.
Then you must do what must be done
for this, the last battle cant be won.
You will be sad – I understand.
Don’t let your grief then slay your hand,
for this day, more than all the rest,
your love and friendship stand the test.
We’ve had so many happy years,
what is to come can hold no fears.
You’d not want me to suffer so,
when the time comes, please let me go.
Take me where my needs they’ll end.
Only stay with me till the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me
until my eyes no longer see.
I know, in time you too will see
it is a kindness you do to me.
although my tail, it’s last was waved
from pain and suffering, I’ve been saved.
Don’t grieve that it should be you
who has to decide this thing you do.
We’ve been so close – we two these years,
Don’t let your heart hold any tears.
Floored I tell you. On the ground.
Maybe, one day can pass without tears being shed over something I have absolutely no control over. One can always hope, not so?
One ray of light, my dance lesson was moved from last night to tonight. And I have visitors for supper tomorrow night. Mr P & his son. Will see how that goes down. The meet on Saturday with my lot went well – the youngest is quite happy with the status quo But you know kids. They can screw anything up if they try hard enough. Then again, it’s not as if I have no experience with nineteen year olds! Still. Not something I’ve ever had to do before so I have no idea what to expect. I’ll just cook one of my family’s favourite, the baklava is chilling in the fridge, coffee at the ready… If nothing else, at least we’ll eat.
Let me leave you with Radiohead. Sounds quite like I feel…