I’m going to have to get back in the habit of getting online as soon as I get home, and then spend some time on the blogs. Both mine and everybody else’s.
So. As we all know, things change. They end. They go through phases, rocky or smooth. But nothing ever stays the same. Maybe they do with dogs and cats, but never with humans. Especially not with the male and the female of the species.
Males and females. Both governed by hormones. Both deal with things in a completely different fashion. Women will speak about the problem. Or, if they have nobody to speak to, they might blog about it, as I am doing. But they will, in most cases, try and get to the bottom of the problem. Me, I generally look at the problem, and then try and find solutions for them. If I do, fine, problem solved. If I don’t, then I do try not to give it any more thought thank it already got. No use farting in a thunderstorm and if you’ve tried what you can, no use worrying over it more than you have to – just makes you sick and screws u everything else.
Men on the other hand, they retreat. To their caves. That may or may not be a physical place. They shut you out of their lives. They don’t make their problems yours, they internalise. Well, the specific person I’m dealing with does. The current issue – there are external causes for the internalisasion, but the cold shoulder started before then. Which brings me to thinking that I have done something. And apparently no matter how many time a person proclaims to accept you the way you are, proviso’s are always attached thereto. Which is a very saddening thing really.
Instead of freezing me out, instead of letting me wonder what the hell is going on, tell me. Speak to me. I can’t read minds. I can’t begin to solve your external problems. I can’t solve your internal problems either. I can’t change the way you think, I never expected to do that, nor will I ever begin wanting that. The only thing I can change would be myself. And that only to a degree. I am, alas, the same person I was four months ago. I have not changed. If you don’t like who I am four months down the line, you need to tell me. If I said something that irked you, you need to tell me. If I did something, you need to tell me. If it has nothing to do with me, you need to tell me.
So simple really. Communication is key. Because hey. I’ve been alone long enough to be quite allright like that going forward. As has C. Neither one of us will fold because there’s not a significant other to take up the slack. But that seems kind of stupid when you look at it like that. Surely, when you find somebody that’s worth knowing, you don’t want them to go away all that easily? Surely you don’t want to cause a rift so wide that it can’t be crossed? Is the whole purpose of having a significant other not to help you through your dark days? Is that person’s job not to be there to try and support you? Alas. That person can only do so if you allow them to.
What I’m talking of here, is not a new phenomenon. It has been talked about and researched, and explained ad infinitum. By people much better qualified than I am. It exists, it is real, and it is hurting people needlessly. It is causing strife on a daily basis, strife that can sink even the strongest relationship, let alone something new and still very vulnerable.
I have to say, I’m more angry than sad. I can’t do anything to fix the problem. I can’t do anything to change the problem. I’m not even being given a chance to do something about the problem. I am expected to just sit back and wait like a good little woman and let the man sort out his own shit. Thing is, once the man has managed to sort out his shit, leaving me out of it, I would have dealt with my own feelings of worthlessness, and built a bit of a wall around myself. So, the next time this happens, it affects me less, but makes the wall a little higher. Eventually, when this kind of thing happens, you just don’t even bother trying to get upset about it, or trying to solve it, or even trying to get the other person to speak to you. And why on earth would anybody live like that?
An untenable situation to say the least. I can only imagine a harping woman is not a nice thing to have in your ears when you’re dealing with major shit. Unfortunately, the woman is harping because she needs to know where she stands. She needs to know that you still have feelings for her. She needs to know that what you’re going through at this point in time will not change the way you feel about her. The harping woman is scared of losing the one person that makes a difference in her life. That’s why she harps. And that’s why you owe it to her to set her mind at ease either way, Be it yay or nay, she deserves to know. And you, sir, are the only one that can alleviate that uncertainty.
And no. Only a specific kind of female will wait patiently while you sort out your own shit. I have never been that kind of female, and I’m not planning on changing into one any time soon either. And regardless of what kind of female you chose to attach yourself to, she deserves better than to watch you retreat to your cave while she’s banging on the doors to let her in, being ignored the whole while.
Such a difficult thing, relationships. Especially as the newness wears off and the respective partners gets accustomed to the other person. I’m not falling into that trap – life is way too fragile to take for granted, and relationships even more so. I know what I had. I know what I have. And I know to be grateful for it. But I will not stand being left in the cold at a critical time.
Anyhow. Bluster has been blustered. Now life can maybe continue as it should. Or as the wheel of life wills it.
Hope your day is as good as you can make it 🙂
May your days be long upon the earth…