…just cares for me…
The title of this post should give you an indication of what tonight’s tune will be 😉
So. Been a while since I was online. I’m neglecting the very folks who have kept me standing through all the bad times. That seems to be the way things go – when times are tough, the tough moan, but when times are god, the tough disappears. Not so cool actually.
In my defense, I have had the strangest month. What with the HG and C and the sister’s impending divorce, things have been, to say the least, hectic! Thankfully, that’s all over. At least until the next thing starts! The HG is gone. Where to, I have no idea. But before he left my house he finished my coke – again – and a bottle of vodka. Turns out he’s an actual alcoholic. And has a long string of abusing the goodness of people’s hearts. Not to mention, long suffering parents that always pick s up the slack. Told the mom today via e mail that maybe they should just leave the kid. He will either make it or he will die – not my exact words, but something to that effect. If he makes it, bargain. If he dies, the world is well rid of him. Harsh, I realise. But the thing with users, they never stop using. and they never take responsibility for their actions. Time to stop the enabling.
My house is my own. It is empty of any and all negative influences. My cats can go where they want, the little dog can lick to her heart’s content, I can sit in the lounge and eat my chinese and watch a silly movie – absolute bliss!!! i can’t wait to welcome C into my newly cleansed sanctuary!
Speaking of which. I spent the whole weekend with C. And what a weekend it was! Supper on Friday night was a revelation to say the least! he took me to a little hole in the wall steakhouse. In not the world’s best area. But what a meal! i had a honey mustard sauce over my sirloin steak – done to perfection, with baked potato with sour cream and butter – I finished every morsel! I think I would like to make that place an institution. The food is great and when I’m with C the company is even better. What more can a girl want?
On Saturday we went to a vendusie. Now, a vendusie is, I suppose, something you can liken to an auction. Just much less organised. I suppose you have to register to sell your stuff on the auction. Put your stuff on a table and the auctioneer does the rounds auctioning everything off. I got 4 packs of sanding sheets for my orbital sander, but I did not bid on anything. C’s brother is the real vendusie pro. On the table with the sanding sheets, there was a whole bunch of Bosch jigsaw blades. One arse collected the whole bunch of them – probably close to about 50 packets of jigsaw blades that he got for all of R150. He should have shared the wealth – I could have done with some jigsaw blades. But hey – he will get burnt one of these days. C steered me to the book table. Literally steered me to the books table. “I found a table you will like babe” he tell me while taking me there. Me, I had no money with me – pay only came in much later, so C played Father Christmas with me this weekend at the vendusie. Got me 4 books and 4 pots of little succulent plants. And a beer and some pancakes and last, but not least, a most unforgettable experience! I think next time I go to the vendusie I will make sure to have at least some cash. They had quite a few drill presses there – next time we go, and I have money, I might just bid on one of those. Definitely a good way to fill up the lack in power tools!!
And then. A maul. You all know how I feel about a maul. Never very favourable. But, as with everything else, C made the whole experience quite a bit better than it has ever been. we walked, he got some shoes, I got some shirts, some nail things and then C struck again. Got me one of those telescopic batons. I’ve always wanted one, just never knew where you would get something like that. now I have one. Maybe I must go make a turn through Diepsloot or Alexandra late at night – just to test it out 😉 Those of you in the know will see that for the ridiculous idea that is, but having an actual weapon, even if only a defensive weapon, goes a long way in making your mind a bit more peaceful than it was. And last, but not least, I got a crapload of iBooks from C. And I mean, a crapload of them. I’m reading the Lemony Snicket series now. Think the James Pattersons will be next. or maybe the Terry Pratchett’s. Not to forget the Agatha Christies and the CLive Cusslers – I am quite bowled over with all the new stuff I have to read!!
And then I had to come home early last night – had to get my keys from the mom since the HG just left. Without giving a thought to the house that he abused for the last month. Then again, it’s what he does. At least he’s gone now.
Back to the leaving early. Not something I like doing. Every time I have to leave C’s house, it becomes more and more difficult to leave him there. Him in his spot, me in mine. And even though I am well aware of the need for solitude, even if it is only to be able to fart whenever you want to, it is heart wrenching to leave him there. We’re both used to having that solitude. But it’s becoming a bit difficult to say good bye every time we have to do it. Alas. The logistics of our relationship does not quite stretch to complete integration though. Not just yet. But, as I said before, time will bring a solution. So much can happen in just a few weeks, it can leave you reeling.
One thing I do know, however, is that I am, bar none, the luckiest chick on earth! I read a few things tonight online. And with every thing I read, I just realise more and more how very rare a man like C actually is. Somebody that really. And I mean REALLY, accepts me just as I am. How often in my past have I been weighed and found wanting by so many different people. Because they did not want the whole person. They wanted a sexy chick. Or a chick with long hair. Or a chick that did not smoke. or one with a tiny waist and huge boobs. They never wanted all of me. They could never handle all of me. They would steer me away from the book table because I can spend hours browsing such a place. I can spend lots of money there. They would not have bothered trying to make a maul experience something I will enjoy. With C though, all these things are as nothing. No matter what we do, he’s there with me, never leaving me on my own for hours on end. He’s with me, holding my hand, introducing me to his people, being proud to have me by his side.
And that, my dear fellow peeps, is something I have not had before. I was always something to be hidden. Something to be kept away from the general populace. A guilty secret, never to be shown the light of day. To have a man that loves me on all levels – that is a rare treasure indeed. And, as has been mentioned before, something that I’m grateful for every day of my life.
I’ve gushed, I’ve apologised, I’ve ended off an episode of my life. May the next episode last for the rest of my days. May I be worthy of such an episode. May I be given the fortitude to give this my all, without once faltering in my conviction. May I have the tools and the knowledge and the perseverance to put in my 100 % – without expecting anything in return. Because, only then, do I think I can have a relationship that’s worth having. By being as accepting of him as he is of me. By doing little things that make life, if not easier, then at least a little brighter. By being the best person I am able to be, because he deserves nothing less.
I am, still, happy. I am, still, head over heels. I am, still, wafting around on cloud nine…
May your days be long upon the earth…
The promised tune…
How often in my past have I longed for a man like this. And now I have found him – how lucky can one girl be!!
This tune just because I like it so much and it’s from one of my favourite movies, Kill Bill. Hope you enjoy it too!
And this one, same tune, different version and the accompanying video is quite lovely…