Right…

…that time again.

My weekend was great. Really great. C treats me like a lady, he enjoyed the meal I cooked for him and we had supper by candle light while the rain was pounding on the roof, with thunder and lightning – just enough to provide the perfect ambiance to the candle and the splendid company. It was great to be there when he came home from work – feels as if I’m finally part of something. This weekend I will be spending the whole time with him.

Of course, as with everything spectacular, it had to come to an end. Harshly so in my case. It seems that after the chat we had on Friday, the HG thought that mi casa, su casa. And proceeded to have a bit of a party. My nuts are officially grated. I get home tonight and he has not shown a nose out of his room. Door closed – he knows I’m gearing up to a major fight. Bastard finished my coke. And left the place covered in dishes that his lazy ass did not wash today. I’m beginning to think that the end of Feb is waaay too long to wait to get rid of him. The way he’s carrying on now it won’t be too long before I lose it completely. I think I’m waiting for that day. When I explode and say everything that I really think, maybe hurt him in the process, but I would clear the air inside my head. He really is taking advantage of my soft heart – and that, you fuck, is just wrong. Why would you jeopardize help for the next person just because you apparently have no pride whatsoever? One of my FB buddies reckons he’s a master manipulator. A martyr. I’m more inclined toward bastard.

On a lighter note. C and myself actually changed our FB statusses tonight. Simultaneously 😉 Have you ever!! Not long now and we’ll be wearing matching shirts and stuff 😉 Still. I’m smiling so much my cheeks are sort of in a spasm. And it’s the most glorious feeling in the world. I never want to come down!

And then, another good thing – the job spoke to me today. They will extend my contract for two more months, and if I spark, the job is mine. Now tell me. If this is not all to do with the fact that I let go of all the things I’ve feared for so long, I don’t know. For most of my adult life I’ve been worrying about one thing or the other. Panicking about not having enough money. Worried about losing my house and my livelihood. and the minute I let go of all those fears, life falls into place. I can’t say how long this will last – hopefully forever.

I am positive. I am happy. I am thankful. I am blessed beyond words.

One sad thing though. Logistics. The logistics suck. Every time I have to leave C to come home, it’s like a part of me is being ripped off. I miss him the minute I drive out the gate. But we both have our lives and out hearths. We’re both thinking about how integration should take place, but we’re nowhere near a solution. It’s early days still – I’m sure the Universe will provide us with a solution to that problem too. It brought us together at just the right moment, I don’t think it will let anything get in the way of two people that really belong together.

What needs to happen, will. It’s been proven again and again. I will just place my woes and cares in more capable Hands than mine. It will happen just as it should.

Something completely different – mom’s kidney function is not too great. One of them works, the other does not. I still think that it happened when they did the mastectomy and did not give her enough fluids during and after the op. And then the chemo shock – medical people should really take better care of the people they’re supposed to treat. My C is a medical person, and I KNOW that with him I could not be in better hands. Alas. Most medical practitioners are hotshots and just doing a job – not experiencing a calling. I can only hope that they can fix mom’s kidney.Don’t even know if that’s possible, but hey.

And now, because he’s mom’s favourite, and mine, and because it’s almost her b day, a few songs from The King…

may your days be long upon the earth…

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15 comments on “Right…

  1. Great about your wonderful time. Good thing you have that in your life to keep a balance with your “visitor.” It’s a tough one. Easier said than done with handling it. I know. We’ve been overly generous with people staying with us through the years a couple to the detriment of our own peace of mind and heart. It’ll be a relief when he’s gone! Hope they can fix your mom’s kidney as well.

    • I am eternally grateful for C, P – if not for him, I don’t know where I would have ended up with this person currently in my house!!! Silliest thing – it’s not the first time it happened to me – will make damn sure it’s the last time though!!!

    • Thanks for keeping me in your prayers P – I still need them 🙂
      I’ve been happy in my life before, but never with quite this much abandon – I’m throwing caution to the wind and living with that abandonment – if I don’t, I stand to lose one of the greatest things in my life!!

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