another…

…FB inspired post.

I belong to a group of, mostly Afrikaans, people. One thing you need to know about Afrikaners is that they were brought up very Calvinistically. The woman is beneath the man. Angus Buchan, or Angus Aartappel meaning Angus potato (sic) is a great proclaimer of these old fashioned values – values that I don’t hold with either because it places me beneath a man, and I don’t belong there. I belong next to him. Because just as he has his strengths, do I have mine, and we can fill up the empty spaces that exists in us. They teach that the woman will listen to him, have his supper ready and get her pin money for her efforts. Not quite as bad, but the man has ever been the head of the household, and that’s how it will stay.

These days, however, the boundaries have shifted. Chivalry does not exist all that much any more. It’s each man and woman for themselves. I don’t need you to open the door for me sir, I can do it myself. I don’t need you to provide for me sir, I can do it myself. The Afrikaners in question is also losing their religious base. More of them are eschewing religion in favour of atheism or some of the more spiritual ways of thinking. I’m sad to say, but the hard headed bastards that made this country what it was 20 years ago, the supposed pigs that fought in the war, the men that laid down their lives at Blood river and against the Brits all those years ago, are no more. And if they’re there, they’re being made out as chauvinistic pigs. Men who have no emotions. Men who don’t know how to treat anybody with kindness and compassion.

I, myself, have commented on this many times. Often I’ve lamented that I can’t find a man my age that appreciates a woman as something other than a sperm receptacle. And, to a certain extent, I was one of the women who made these men doubt their man hood. I have since changed my perception. I have since realised how important chivalry is in society. Since it’s not just about the male/female relationship. It spreads out in the man’s life to all corners of his existence. In everything he does, his chivalry will appear.

And then I see this picture on the group’s timeline.

man

 

I don’t know if Dr Phil really said this – it looks like the kind of thing he might. And the comments this picture received was not as varied as you might think. From both the men and the women, there were this feel of screw that! Men can’t teach us anything. We’re too emancipated to have a man protect us or lead us. Why do women have to stand for this kind of shit? We’re not living in the 60’s anymore. Time for men to not be this way – it’s outdated. And yes. there are men out there that I would not feel comfortable using in any of the above guises. For the somple reason that I don’t particularly want to learn how to drink. Or eat myself into a stupor. Or how to demean other people, how to be cruel to animals cna children, how to mistreat a woman.

But I also know and knew men that I would be honoured to be protected by. I would love for them to lead me because I know they won’t lead me astray. They will lead me to safety. My father taught me. He taught my children just about everything they knew when they were growing up. He was a provider to the best of his ability. If not for him, I would not be the person I am today, Through his teachings and leadership and protection I learnt to be a confident person. To speak when spoken to. To not hold my tongue at injustice. To be kind when you can.

How can that be wrong? Do these people not realise that what the caption in this picture means is not demeaning? And the men that sees that as demeaning and acts accordingly, well, they can’t read, can they?

If  you’re a man. And you work to provide for your family, and you teach your children how to be kind to animals. How to fix their bikes. How to open the door for their mother. How to treat a woman. If you protect your family from harm – be that harm in sly words, or sly people. If you lead them, through your example, to G-d, or to the right way of doing things, how can that be wrong?

If you’re a man, and you don’t do any of these things, but blithely just go along with the flow, be all liberal, never teach your children manners, or discipline them when they’ve behaved badly, what kind of man are you then?

And if you’re a woman that will let a bad man walk all over her, instead of being a mate for a good man, a good man that protects and provides and leads and teaches, what kind of woman are you then?

I have often said that I am quite able to provide for myself. I have been doing it for many years. I am quite able to open a door for myself, or pull away my chair at the table. This is not in doubt. What I don’t often say though, is that when my guy does pull the chair out for me at a restaurant, I feel amazing. When he admonishes me for calling myself names, I feel incredibly loved. When he teaches me something of his world, I become a part of it. When he protects me by holding my hand, I feel cherished. When he opens a door for me, I feel like the lady I don’t often get a chance of being.

And I feel sorry for the women out there that does not want a man to do this for them. That does not want the protection of a man, or the leadership of a good man for their children. Because a good man will not trample you. He will cherish you. He WANTS to protect you, you silly woman! And even if he’s a scrawny fellow, let him. It costs you absolutely nothing and it will make him feel ten feet tall. Don’t let him walk over you with bluster. Let him hold you by his side, and together you can enter the future.

This I wish for all of us, male and female. to have the love of a good person, to have the protection of a good man, the leadership of a good man, the provision of a good man.

May your days be long upon the earth…

 

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21 comments on “another…

    • Thanks AD – glad you’re in accord with me 🙂
      The weekend might have started with a few hiccoughs but it will be a good one regardless 😉

  1. A great deal in what you say. I do recall some of the most ideal relationships I have ever seen arising from a happy acceptance of roles as provider and physical protector on the one hand and homemaker (with all the myriad things that entails) and psychological protector on the other. These were the ones where there was no idea of superior or inferior – it was the equal partnership that it should be.

    • As with all things Col – when the partnership is equal, it works. When the balance shifts more to one side or the other, it becomes a mess.
      And there is so much wrong in this world of ours – we should not let our sanctuary be destroyed by the outside world’s perceptions…

  2. Reblogged this on Chasing Rabbit Holes and commented:
    My friend, Jayce68 expresses my feelings on relationships between men and women and the shift over the last 50 years. It is not an Afrikaners attitude, but pervasive and trumpeted loudly by various special interests groups. While some of the changes over the past 50 years have been to the good, much of it has been a loss to us, to men, and to society. Thanks for tackling this, Jayce68.

  3. Jaycee, I came to your blog via an invitation from Hunt. I stand for every word in the caption of that Dr Phil picture, I was raised that way, and I will be that way until I die. I have provided for my family in the best possible way I can, I have and still protect my family, and a leader, and I have taught my child well. She has made me proud every step she has taken. 50 years ago my mom was the breadwinner of my family, it was the model by which I have grown, formed my thoughts, and have lead my life. Mom raised 4 boys, who have all followed the model as express by the Dr. Phil caption, and she had 4 very good reasons to be proud. This is an outstanding post. Thank you, Bill

    • Thanks for the read and the comment Bill.
      As for the content of your comment – I thank the Good Lord everyday for men like you. men that knows the value of discipline and kindness, for responsibility within freedom. If not for that, I would not be the person I am today.
      It is so sad to see those things disappearing these days!!

    • Yes well, Angus Aartappel – thought that was quite apt. I don’t like that man and his teachings. But I have not done the research, so I might be wrong.

  4. I fully agree with your post above.
    I have no problem with my man opening the door for me, pulling out a chair for me, being there to protect me. it makes me feel that he does actually give a crap about me.
    In today’s society, both partners are normally the breadwinner, which has shifted perspectives somewhat, but it does not mean that he is no longer your provider, protector, leader and teacher. We are now both that, and to me and my way of thinking, it makes a relationship stronger.
    I am not here to be dominated, I am here to be loved and valued. Something I will always give back in equal fold, if not more.
    That’s just me! 🙂
    xxx

    • it should be a partnership Sam. That’s the only way it will work. the minute the one can’t handle the other one’s good fortune or whatever, the balance shifts and the shit starts. very fine line that…

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