I’m going to…

…gush.

I never gush. Well, hardly ever. But, I would say, that recent events warrants a gushing of note. I will, however, spare you the gory details. Since it might seem that I’m the world’s most fickle female.

I doubt that. I’m quick to make decisions, and I’m quite prepared to live by the consequences of said decision. But I do try not be fickle.

You all know about the dramatic saga that’s been my life for the past few weeks. At times I hated myself for doing the things I did, and feeling the things I did. I did realise though that, if I don’t look after my emotional well being, nobody else is going to either. So I made a conscious decision to be happy. No regrets, or if there are, they won’t be major. I owe it to myself to grasp what life offers, when it offers it. Another cliche – never look a gift horse in the mouth.

Enter C. He of the kind eyes, gentle personality and utter, complete acceptance of me. Literally, warts and all. The question though, and I think we all have that question at some point in time – dare I be so happy? Is it not an invitation for the Universe to stick a spanner in the wheels of your life if you are abundantly, completely happy? We all know that does not last – so hopefully you’ve built something lasting through the shiny times. For now, I’m enjoying the shiny times. I’m enjoying picking tunes that he will like. I enjoy the messages I receive and the ones I send him – which is ALWAYS reciprocated. A definite first. A man that reacts to my feelings and emotions because he actually gives a shit about them. A man that actually wants to wrap me in cotton wool and keep me safe. And a man that knows that’s not always possible. That I have to fight my own battles, no matter how much he wants to fight them for me.

I could ask the Universe why it’s taken so long for me to find such a man? Why did I have to go through the newest drama and all the randoms I had to wade through before this? And in answer to that question, I needed to have those experiences to recognise the man when he stands in front of me. And that’s literally what happened. One day I looked up and this handsome man was standing in front of me. I liked him on sight. We talked. Talked some more. Became friends. Lost contact, picked up the friendship with great ease and comfort. I gave up the constant search for a person to share my life with. And then the Universe sent me the person I needed.

Hence the slight gushing. I’ll try not to get too soppy – some people do not like that, but really. This is the only place I can shout it to the heavens.

I, ghia, am happy and lucky and blessed to have a good man that loves her. Yes, love has been mentioned. Why so soon you ask? Well, because this is not an instant thing. This has been brewing for the past four years. And, if something is right, it’s right. And you don’t go fiddling in what your road leads you to. Therein lies tears and heartbreak. But what if it does not work out? Ah. But what if it does… and that’s what I’m basing my life on now. What needs to happen, will. We can not change it. We can only accept it, make the best of it and enjoy what the Universe bestows on you when it does. And, good or bad, I do think I’ve found the one person that can make all of life’s little issues bearable.

To that end, a few tunes, holding to my wish that we all listen to one good tune every day. I’m spending the rest of the weekend with the ex sister in law in Bronkhorstspruit, where more gushing will ensue, I’m sure! Enjoy the rest of your weekend – see you on the upside!

 

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16 comments on “I’m going to…

    • It’s the best I’ve felt in so many years P.
      Something I’ve searched for for a long time.
      and your delight just makes it all that much better 🙂

  1. Oh! That first one, J, by Mauro Negri – yes! Soothing and drifty – that’s what I’m looking for. The high intensity riffs of others make me feel jangly – doubtless I am lacking in appreciation of jazz elements. The second one too for the same reason. I’ve always liked Jim Croce – sad he had to leave us so soon.

    So delighted to hear you are grabbing for your joy. We accept the pain, so why not the joy? It may not end “happily ever after.” So what? What are we saving ourselves for or from? For me, that is what life is about – you never know until you’re there whether it will work out or not. It sure won’t if you don’t accept the gift.

    • The thing with jazz P, there are so many styles, that there’s bound to be something for all tastes. I’ll continue the search for smoky jazz tunes for you 😉
      as for me grabbing – I have to admit, every time my heart wants to explode from happiness, my stomach makes a turn – one person will not be allowed all this happiness. Silly as it seems, I’m petrified of the other shoe to drop…

      • Honey, if you weren’t scared, I’d be worried. There are no guarantees. Your Mr. C may proved to have a fault or two. 😉 You’ve had a lot of pain, I just think you should have some joy, as well.

  2. Ghia, dump the negative “what-ifs”. Seize the day (and the night!). Live for the moment. It’s good to be loved and cossetted. You’ve been independent so long, I think you might even feel a little guilty at enjoying being looked after. Think wonderful thoughts 🙂

    • I’m seizing Sarah, I’m seizing 😉 Every minute I can find 😉
      You are so right about the guilt – feels as if I must do more than I do, but every time i offer, i’m told – Just be You. That’s enough”
      How can I NOT seize that?

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