Not something I’m any good at.
I actual fact, I HATE drama. So much so that I don’t even watch movies that are drama’s. I don’t read books that are drama’s. I don’t do people that thrive on drama.
That being said, however, apparently I seem to attract the drama queens out there.
I suppose you have already guessed where this is going. Indeed. The house guest. Kind of lost it last night. Got slightly smashed on dry white wine and then the whining started. Baby this and baby that, one thing, another thing. Eventually I got him to sleep and then i went to my own bed and had a bit of a rest. Woke up this morning and the dude seemed to know what I was I was talking about. Commended me on my way of handling the situation, saying I did it in the best possible way. I left to go to Mom’s for New Years and came back home.
To a completely slaughtered house guest, on vodka that the kid brought back from his little jaunt over new years. A full bottle that sank to half in about an hour. Suffice to say that there was just no talking to this person in that state. And I refused point blank to have a conversation with him. How can you speak to a drunk person? You can not have an argument with a drunk person. I’ve tried it before, and it was futile. Of course. The drunk person does not see it like that. He will get upset because he feels slighted – which he is, I’ll grant him that. I did hurt him. Not because I wanted to, but because I needed to do something to keep us both safe. Him more than me, but it was done with the greatest and most heartfelt, do-gooderness- i suppose you can call it, in the world. Naturally it backfired. Big time. And I have to bear the brunt of it. Fine. Heap it up. My shoulders are broad. I can handle everything you throw at me. While sober. While drunk, I’m not prepared to take abuse.
And then the kid started. you will never find a better boyfriend that this one mom. You should have just kept yourself going for a while. how can you do this to another person.
How on God’s green earth am I to handle that? What do I say to something like that? Did I ever say that he house guest was a bad person? No. I never did. I’ve always maintained that he was a good person. albeit a person with a few more lose screws than needed. But a good person nevertheless. He was just not good for me. Or rather, in the long run he would not have been good for me. He tells me today that we made a good team. I’m the practical one, he’s the dreamer. I can keep him calm and grounded while he goes off into a tangent of some kind. I asked him how fair he thinks that would be towards me? Always picking up the slack for somebody else? Then, being sober, he agreed with me. Tonight, being not so sober, he clearly did not agree with me.
What did I do? I ran. I put my clothes in a bag, put my computer in it’s bag, put it by my bedroom window and I ran. Where did I run to? I ran to C. Where I was welcomed with open arms, open heart, open mind. Which also scares me to no end. So far, everything I’ve touched has turned to shit. Every relationship I’ve had has become so much dust in the wind. Do I want the same thing to happen to me and C? No, I don’t. But I needed a haven tonight, and my house was not it.
So. Here I am, in the back of beyond, with a man that has only ever been good to me. Being treated like I’m the world’s most precious cargo. And even though I’m scared to death of screwing up yet again, I’m feeling cherished. Content. Like a decent person instead of a scarlet woman. I have no idea what tomorrow will bring. Generally, when one runs away, thinking further than running does not feature. I’ll handle that problem when I get to it. Luckily, next week I’ll start working again, and then life can go back to normal.
There’s much truth to the saying – no good deed goes unpunished. Of course with help from yours truly, this turned into a comedy of errors. Which will make me think twice about offering help again to anybody else in the future. Then again, I suppose I’ll do it again. Because one has to help where one can. Backfire or not. I’m paying the price. And I’ll probably continue paying it many years from now in remembered heartaches. But I will bear this too.
A grand start to the new year. Do hope yours were somewhat more subdued. And tomorrow brings it’s own strengths, it’s own trials, it’s own joys.
Long days and pleasant nights.