…I surprise myself.
Last night, spent a whole two and a half hours chatting to a buddy. He used to blog on the old LD site. South African, living in France. Turns out for visa purposes, he’s back in SA for a while. Yesterday the people he left his dog at when he left for France, had to put the dog out. So the guy was slightly upset. Actually a bit more upset than the situation warranted because the dog has not in actual fact been his for the past at least five years, but he chose to wallow in misery, so I let him.
Then somebody that he knows popped in. This particular dude is reeling from the shock of his wife committing suicide two or three days ago. Seems he was on a drinking binge, and wanted my buddy to join. Which the buddy duly did. Half a bottle of vodka later and my buddy is back online with me. Where he proceeded to become drunker and drunker and making less sense than Alice in Wonderland.
Kept on insisting we get together today, catch up on the old days, talk about the new days, you know, the usual.
I kept on insisting that he contacts me today, while sober and in full faculty of his brain.
I know people, you see. And I know drunk people. And I realised that this particular bloke was just feeling lonely and sad, far away from his actual friends and family in another country and me, being the only person he still knows in the suck heap, made a good shoulder for the moment.
Alas. In the light of a sober day, things said in the dead of night becomes secretive. Not to be repeated, not to be acted on. Suffice to say I have not gotten my little expected message. The crisis is over see? I’m not needed anymore.
How well I sometimes know people and their motives. Scary sometimes to know before they do. Makes for a very lonely life actually – always questioning people’s motives because you know what’s going on in their heads. Heaven forbid you actually tell them that that’s the reason for the contact – Never!! I will never do that! I’m not that kind of person!
Sorry to say – we are all humans. Governed not so much by our technology, but by our base urges. I sometimes think the lizard brain rule everything. And that’s the part of our psyche that comes to the fore when we have a need that technology or food or drink can’t fill.
Me, I get those urges. But because I know what it feels like to be the recipient of random people’s sadnesses and emotions, I refrain from bothering those in my circle that might be inclined to give an ear.
And, admittedly, that’s why I blog. When my lizard brain tells my conscious mind to get out there and find a human to share some personal space with, I turn to my faithful blog. It’s always there. Always patient. And when you, my readers, read what I wrote and comment, I know that stems from your own experience in that regard. But even if you don’t read and comment, I got the urge out of my system. I shared myself – albeit just to a screen and typeface. My urges are relieved and I can continue with life as I know it, without fouling the waters with unnecessary human contact – I’d say a win-win situation all round!!
And so Saturday turned out not quite as I planned. Maybe I can try again tomorrow – have to get to Builders for my DIY fix 😉
And another friend invited me for a braai, so I’ll hie myself off to their side of the world and have some fun.
Let me leave you with this tune…