Home alone, as per usual.
Not that much of a hassle. Not as if I’m not used to it, or have nothing to occupy my time with.
Spoke to Mr P today via whatsapp. Asked when would be a good time for me to pick up the things I left at his house. He reckons he will post them to me. Rightyo then dude. I just wish I knew what the hell changed from one day to the next. I just don’t know! The excuses he gives me are so flimsy, they just hold no water. Maybe he’s met somebody else. Maybe I really was just not good enough for him. Whatever the case, I feel kind of hurt by this whole thing. I was never anything but good to and for him. Tried not to upset him. Thanked him for his help. Alas, I knew he was just not that into me. Maybe the new chick or whatever he’s busy with does it for him in which case, good riddance then. And here I thought he was different to all the other arseholes I’ve met over the years. Apparently not so much.
Then again, it could be that I have not changed as much as I thought I have. Since what you project is what you attract. Oh well. What needs to happen, will. Maybe my dude will decide that he’s tired of the devil he knows and chuck everything over in the land of the free and join me here in the land of the unfree. We might even be happy, who knows! Stranger things have happened! Or, I might just really accept the fact that I am forever doomed to be on my own, with never a manly partner to shoot the shit with, or to just sleep next to. With a bloody ex that seems to think I’m still single because I’m pining for him. Yeah right guy. In your dreams!
I was talking to the young chick at work today about just this. When I’m on my own, I can face life. I can do what needs to be done, and be happy, or at least content, with what I have. I can deal with females and males, people that are different from me, people that don’t like me, but the minute I involve myself in the life of some man, that invariably does not want to integrate his with mine, everything goes to shit. And I have no idea why I bother with it! Is having a man in your life really all it’s cracked up to be? I have to say, in my experience, it is indeed not so. They are more hassle than fun, more irritation than solace, more bother than getting shit out of a wool blanket. Something I ALSO have first hand experience of!
Don’t use the word female. Don’t get upset at traffic. Don’t be tense, be calm. I can’t handle it when you’re tense. I don’t like the big words you use. Simplify it. Why don’t you use normal language? I’m going to correct your use of the tenses. Looking back, all little digs and put downs. Why? Is it really necessary to demean somebody else just because you’re jealous of them in some way? Just because you feel less than you can? Or think you need to be more than you are? Heaven knows, I’m prepared to accept anything in people, no matter who they are or what their standing in life is. I don’t get jealous of other people’s good fortune. I don’t want what they have. I just want my little piece of happiness, my spot in the sun. And I’m more than prepared to give you yours.
Oh well. This is making even the refreshed Ghia feeling quite miserable, and I really don’t want misery to intrude on my hard won calm. And I’m certainly not going to allow some bloody bloke to do it to me! I have my new young man – and he’s still the cutest thing on earth. Runs to the gate in the afternoon when he recognizes the car, laughs when I pick him up, licks my face, smelling like only a puppy can. My trees all have buds on them. The fruit trees are just starting to push out their buds. The garden is coming to life again for spring, and I might just do with the front yard what I thought of – cover the whole expanse in ivy with home made stepping stones with mosaics to give you walking place. Or wonderlawn. Termites won’t eat that, and at least it’s green and does not need mowing.
Time for the new. Apt that I’m starting the new job in spring. The new puppy. Think I need to do some packing up and storing away, clean out the current storage sheds, make my space more available. And just as an aside. Was wondering how much my car could possibly tow should I have to move somewhere. The idea being that I could hire a bunch of trailers and load everybody’s car and a trailer full of stuff, and still make the move cheaper than 60 k. Phoned the ex to confirm the haulage specs and he reckons that both him and his BiL have 4 tonne trucks – which I could obviously get at a reduced rate of hire. Just another example of how things can be easy if you don’t insist on worrying about them. Because your plan is already set – you just need to follow it.
And now I’m following my current plan of a relaxing bath, something to eat and then bed for a sleep with no alarm at the end of it, just a light knock on my bedroom window at around 8 or so…
Long days and pleasant nights folks!!
And here’s a bit of a laugh…