About time…

Well, hullo there, fellow bloglings…

IT’s been a while since I posted – can’t seem to find anything worth posting about truth be told.

Life has been running, if you can call it that, on a relatively even keel.

Meaning, the panic attacks are not quite 6 times daily, more like twice daily.

I can still force food down my throat so I know my stress levels are not quite as bad as it once were. That can change at any minute however, only a matter of time.

Mr P, well yes. Yet another scenario that I’m still not able to quite put to rest. Told him last night – a clear rejection is better than a fake promise. Get told that he never made any promises, vague or otherwise – that’s such a man thing to say! As if that makes it allright to continuously prevaricate. I told him – you did not make any promises, but you have not told me to go away either. Of course, no answer to that. Dudes seem to think that if they ignore things, they will go away eventually, and that might very well happen. Am I supposed to just wait? Suppose I could do that, not as if I have anything else to do – life will continue regardless of what I do or say, but I don’t think I deserve to be put on the back burner until he finds something other than his untenable life situation to dwell upon.ย ย Me, I have not quite reached the end of this particular strand of hope just yet. Even that is only a matter of time. Patience and hope notwithstanding – really no use flogging a dead horse.

Job wise – I’m still too white and too old and not learned enough to find employment in this suckheap of a country. Still sending off CV’s to all and sundry, not even getting a regret letter. Just a big, steaming pile of silence. Screw you doll face. We have 6 million young, dark, disabled, lesbian females that wants to work – you have been previously advantaged, so fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Such fun.

The buddy I had the visit from on Saturday sent me a link to a magazine that publishes short stories. 700 and 1400 words. Those I can string out with the best of them – I seem to do better with the shorter, sharper things than I do with the long drawn out stories. Might as well give it a go – absolutely nothing to lose!

So. My so-called life in a nutshell.

Hope your Wednesday is a good one!


16 comments on “About time…

    • Well, if their aim is to get rid of all whities – they might not have to hassle about this particular whitey for very much longer.

  1. The other day I was at a well known store and noticed that they had a white woman behind the till, I couldn’t help wondering how on earth she managed to get this job …maybe she is one of the token whites, I dunno. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

    Wishing you well my friend, still sending the hugs.

  2. “A clear rejection is better than a fake promise” your words, brilliant. Your writing is superb. You don’t need to have “anything” to write about because you can write about “nothing” and it would still be compelling, that’s a good writer. I realized it about your writing long ago (well “long” is a stretch) when you were writing about the pond and whether the fish would have a home. Not that that’s a nothing, but other little things. I really like reading yours. Don’t like the pain you go through but I can move right along with you. I didn’t realize there was that much discrimination over there which lends a whole different perspective to understanding your situation. Sending you a big fat cyber hug and good wishes that a log floats along.

  3. I really think you should give the short story writing a bash. I’m so sorry that you haven’t got any more interviews lined up. This transformation thing really stinks. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Mr P does sound like a dead horse, but he may surprise you yet. ๐Ÿ™‚

  4. I am reading a book at the moment, there is something in there which basically says if you are doing something and yet not getting anywhere then look at a way to change your approach.

    Perhaps there is something you could do, in the wording, in the method that could give you a bit of an advantage, i am not saying it will and i am not saying that you are doing anything wrong, but its just maybe a thought,something to consider

  5. As has been mentioned before, life sucks when you are down. Hope you catch some positive vibes to get rid of the cloud which seems to follow you at present.

    I can’t understand why someone who wants to works and works well and hard, isn’t given a chance. Something has to give. Soon.

  6. Correction – the various categories you refer to don’t really want to work, they want a fat salary cheque for doing nothing. I know of several examples, and it is quite ridiculous what they get away with. Coming in late, taking Mondays off like clockwork, spending most of their working time on their mobiles and then going into overtime, abusing expense accounts – you name it!

  7. Pingback: Peace Love and Understanding – A Perfect Circle | cognitive reflection

  8. Sorry to hear that things still aren’t looking up on the job front. Hopefully that changes soon.
    Give a bash at the short story, maybe you’ll become a world famous author ๐Ÿ˜‰

  9. You know…. when I heard about how much time you and the Mr. P were spending on the phone, I had always found it burns out. I was hoping it was just my experience – something like an American thing… As to writing, you’d be great – already are and I’m looking forward to reading your upcoming material. Best HuntMode

  10. Even in the UK, I wonder if me being a middle-aged, white, heterosexual, non-disabled female might be considered quite boring by today’s standards. It certainly won’t earn me any handouts, however great my debts. Was considering submitting a novel to a publisher as a one-legged, transvestite from timbuktu. What do you reckon my chances would be?

    Chin up, as the Brits would say. It’s a lonely old world out there, but think how much lonelier it would be without all of your on-line friends, like moi, willing things to get better for you. I hate those pits of despair and have been in them many times, and somehow crawled out of them. Know just how shitty they are. Wish we lived nearer to each other. We could have some real grumpy old woman meets D:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s