Well, hullo there, fellow bloglings…
IT’s been a while since I posted – can’t seem to find anything worth posting about truth be told.
Life has been running, if you can call it that, on a relatively even keel.
Meaning, the panic attacks are not quite 6 times daily, more like twice daily.
I can still force food down my throat so I know my stress levels are not quite as bad as it once were. That can change at any minute however, only a matter of time.
Mr P, well yes. Yet another scenario that I’m still not able to quite put to rest. Told him last night – a clear rejection is better than a fake promise. Get told that he never made any promises, vague or otherwise – that’s such a man thing to say! As if that makes it allright to continuously prevaricate. I told him – you did not make any promises, but you have not told me to go away either. Of course, no answer to that. Dudes seem to think that if they ignore things, they will go away eventually, and that might very well happen. Am I supposed to just wait? Suppose I could do that, not as if I have anything else to do – life will continue regardless of what I do or say, but I don’t think I deserve to be put on the back burner until he finds something other than his untenable life situation to dwell upon. Me, I have not quite reached the end of this particular strand of hope just yet. Even that is only a matter of time. Patience and hope notwithstanding – really no use flogging a dead horse.
Job wise – I’m still too white and too old and not learned enough to find employment in this suckheap of a country. Still sending off CV’s to all and sundry, not even getting a regret letter. Just a big, steaming pile of silence. Screw you doll face. We have 6 million young, dark, disabled, lesbian females that wants to work – you have been previously advantaged, so fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Such fun.
The buddy I had the visit from on Saturday sent me a link to a magazine that publishes short stories. 700 and 1400 words. Those I can string out with the best of them – I seem to do better with the shorter, sharper things than I do with the long drawn out stories. Might as well give it a go – absolutely nothing to lose!
So. My so-called life in a nutshell.
Hope your Wednesday is a good one!