Random thoughts.

Yes, it’s been a while since I posted anything.

Suppose there’s a reason for it. The only things that I’ve lately experienced has been crap to say the least. Therefore, I had a choice. Either just spew that crap and make somebody else miserable, or get over myself and move the hell along. Fact is, like I saw today on FB – everything happens for a reason even if that reason is that you’re stupid and made bad decisions! And that’s me in a nutshell. Not so much stupid, but the bad decisions, even if it was just the one, it was a biggie as bad decisions go and I’m still paying the price for that. But hey.

Life actually goes on. Which brings me to a thought that I had when I came home tonight. About life going on. I’m reading The Dark Tower series again. And in there their world has indeed moved on. But there are other worlds in those books. As the boy, Jake, says to Roland just before he fell into the chasm – “Go then. There are other worlds than these” And as I greeted the two dogs I have left on coming home tonight, I could still see the ghost of my old man in his usual spot next to the gate. I heard his whiny bark letting the whole world know that I was home. But the world has moved on.

Alas. As much as things have indeed moved on, there was no progression. Only a kind of regression taking place. Kind of marking the pace, treading water, waiting for the next blow to fall, the next  bit of bad news to land on your head.

Reading the books I’m reading now just brings the end of the world to the forefront. Because, let’s face it. What’s happening now all over the place sounds like the harbinger of doom, not so? And it’s only going to get worse. And if you look at the bigger picture, where we now live in the light for the most part, the darkness is taking over, slowly but surely. Greed has become tantamount. Avarice the new religion. The poor are getting poorer and the rich greedier. Eventually though, should things carry on the way they are now, we will all be equal.

I have come to the conclusion that I can’t do anything to change my fate. I can apply for jobs. It depends on fate if I will get any of them. I can meet men. It depends on fate if I will find one that’s worth keeping. And as such I will carry on searching. The never ending quest for a decent job, or at least a decent way to make money from home. The everlasting quest for a man of worth, or at least one that I can tolerate in my personal space.

The variables are legion. And I just have to give over the fight to Somebody better qualified than me. I can’t do this on my own anymore. It’s become a daily struggle to just get up in the morning. A struggle to hold my tongue when I see the stupidity and no care people handle other beings with. To realise the fact that there are people out there that cares nothing for the effect they have on others, as long as they are sorted makes me sad. Because they won’t  listen or even see what I mean. They are entitled. And that’s also our own doing.

So there. I have no strength to struggle anymore. Time for me to just do what I can and leave the rest to my Superior Being.