You fool…


Yes indeed.

You, Mr P.


I would never have taken,

more than you could give.

I would only, ever have wanted,

A sliver of your time.

Never would you have been asked,

to do anything out of the ordinary.

I would have accepted, as I said,

A sliver of your time.


I deserve more than that.

I wanted more than that.

Even as I realised that you would not give it to me.

You prefer to keep to yourself.

No sharing of lives.

Kept on telling me not to starve myself.

Not to keep humans away.

Can you tell me, Mr P, why on earth not?

Since I have no trouble, reaching out.

No hassle, trying to help a soul in need.

Alas. My soul has to fend for itself.

My troubles fixed by myself.

why then bother to let people in?


All they really do in the end is,

as per usual,

reject you.


I’m sorry Mr P.

I really liked you.

I liked how you looked at the world.

I still do.

You were just not that into me.


And I have to live with it.

No worries. I will. Have before. Will again.

We both lost Sir.


Both lost the chance of finding something good.

Both lost a possibility of happiness.

You lost a haven.

I lost a like minded being.

Not something you get around every corner.

Just too bad you do not realise this.


You foolish, foolish man.





31 comments on “You fool…

    • I have no idea P. Not as if I had any other relationships to measure it against~
      For what it’s worth I was told today that yes, I can communicate, as long as I keep it sporadic. Does not sit all that well with me, running after a bloody man like an effing puppy – don’t actually think so. I have nothing left but my pride, and I’m not going to lose that too.

    • He obviously does not think I’m all that great of a loss Esperanza.
      Just another nail in the coffin of mankind and me…
      Thanks for the hugs – can use one of those tonight.

    • As did I chickpea.
      Just goes to show – one just never knows. The future is indeed untold.
      Therefore, I’ll not be looking forward to anything anytime soon – all I usually get is a kick in the teeth! And I don’t have many of those left. Teeth I mean 😉

  1. Mr P might just be doing the typical male retreat, which can make you feel dumped, but is actually him going away and thinking about whether he wants to fully commit to the relationship. When this happened to my daughter with her man, I told her to read this book, which is all about the completely different ways men and women view relationships.
    My daughter’s man has now moved all his stuff from his lockup (he’s in the navy, which is why his worldly possession were stashed away) into her house and their relationship is official. This is the first time he’s made such a commitment to anyone, but he didn’t half engage in coolings off and lengthy thinking episodes first. It nearly drove her mad. So I’d say, don’t needle Mr P for a commitment. Just leave him to think things through, and read that book as there are wonderful subtle ploys to let him know you’re still there while he’s thinking, without heaping on the pressure. And the book is written by a man, so he should know.
    Good luck 🙂

    • For all I know that might be true Sarah. I just won’t know. I’ve already made up my mind, no prevarication or thinking about it. I know what I want.
      If he gave me any idea that I should just wait until he’s made up his mind, maybe I could have done that.
      As it is, today he told me that he has no objection to my communications, as long as it is sporadic. To my thinking that sounds as if I’m a gnat that’s buzzing around his ears the whole time!
      I made a fool of myself once over a man. Will not do it again – they’re all just men. And if he can’t see a good thing when it stares him in the face, far be it from me to try and force the issue.
      So, silence it is then. If he wants to contact me, I might let it happen, or I might not.
      I’m way too old for this shit!! I’m almost 50 for heavens sake! When does this crap stop?
      As for the book, I bought it many years ago – might have to scratch it out and try and muddle through it again 😉

      • He’s behaving like an arsehole and jerk. Sporadic contact. Go and tell him to disappear up a mountain with his camera and stay there, until he’s learnt to choose his words more wisely.

      • Have not spoken since – might never again.
        I’m sad about that. I actually miss him, but hey.
        What needs to happen, will…

      • Sarapotter writes a lot of sense. The Venus/Mars thing is very valid. Scratch the book out and muddle through it again. I made it compulsory reading for my daughters.

    • No chasing AD.
      No more.
      My poor psyche can’t handle that stuff anymore!!
      Still. I’m sad about it – he was my kind of person.
      Oh well – what needs to happen, will I suppose.

  2. I am so sorry to hear this, J. I had high hopes there. Okay, I shall now commence chewing God’s ear off – I’ve been telling Him about you, but I shall now really engage. We’re here.

    • I don’t hope any more P. Well, not as much as I might have done a while ago.
      And it’s always only ever people that kills that hope in me.
      I should just die – the way I am now, I’m not all that much worth to the world at large. Just a drain on society’s resources.
      Thanks for being there though – it does make it slightly more bearable to be me.

      • J, you said you liked Dad’s story – go back and read it again. Don’t be the guy in the coal mine two days before the war ended. Come on, you are a strong, proud woman. We are here. P

      • Mentally I know I can go one.
        My soul is getting tired though P. Every day something else happens that makes me doubt myself and my abilities.
        But you’re right – no use giving up just before the end – might as well just carry on, no matter how useless my life has become.
        I’m just very sad these past few days – sorry about that!

    • K, maybe I just don’t deserve it. Maybe I’m just supposed to be on my own.
      My track record speaks for itself – best if I just stay away from actual humans forevermore 🙂
      then again, maybe. One day…

    • Thanks P. The tears are very shallow – anything and everything makes them spill over! I hate this! I can only hope it passes sooner rather than later.
      Thanks for being there for me – it makes a difference…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s