Just no.

Don’t know how to do this anymore.

Send an application through this afternoon at about 3. When I got home 3 hours later and opened my e mail, the rejection letter was already waiting for me. WTF!!! What am I going to do? Why does nobody want to employ me? Am I really that useless? Or is it just a question of there being a whole lot younger, tighter and degreed people willing to do anything…

This just sucks. No. It does not just suck. It seems to be the end of my world as I know it actually.

And to top it all, when I got home, there was a letter in my post box. Which is currently my drive way, but we’ll not go there just yet.

From the vet I took my old man to. Saturday it will be three weeks ago.

And reading this just opened the taps again…


If it should be

if it should be that I grow frail and weak

and pain should keep me from my sleep.

Then you must do what must be done

for this, the last battle cant be won.

You will be sad – I understand.

Don’t let your grief then slay your hand,

for this day, more than all the rest,

your love and friendship stand the test.

We’ve had so many happy years,

what is to come can hold no fears.

You’d not want me to suffer so,

when the time comes, please let me go.

Take me where my needs they’ll end.

Only stay with me till the end.

Hold me firm and speak to me

until my eyes no longer see.

I know, in time you too will see

it is a kindness you do to me.

although my tail, it’s last was waved

from pain and suffering, I’ve been saved.

Don’t grieve that it should be you

who has to decide this thing you do.

We’ve been so close – we two these years,

Don’t let your heart hold any tears.

Floored I tell you. On the ground.

Maybe, one day can pass without tears being shed over something I have absolutely no control over. One can always hope, not so?

One ray of light, my dance lesson was moved from last night to tonight. And I have visitors for supper tomorrow night. Mr P & his son. Will see how that goes down. The meet on Saturday with my lot went well – the youngest is quite happy with the status quo 😉 But you know kids. They can screw anything up if they try hard enough. Then again, it’s not as if I have no experience with nineteen year olds! Still. Not something I’ve ever had to do before so I have no idea what to expect. I’ll just cook one of my family’s favourite, the baklava is chilling in the fridge, coffee at the ready… If nothing else, at least we’ll eat.

Let me leave you with Radiohead. Sounds quite like I feel…




15 comments on “No.

    • Sure, everything will work out in the end H, but when, exactly is that? After I’ve lost my house? After I’ve been standing in the streets begging for scraps? When is it the end? Wish I knew that answer…
      The vet’s letter just killed me all over again. Sat in the car shaking with sobs – I still want to go and get my old man back from them.

    • same here Tess.
      Sorry for doing this – I should not, but it has to leave my system one way or the other.
      Thanks for reading though…

  1. Poop! Double Poop! And, yeah, that letter sends us all over the edge… Thank goodness Mr. P has entered your life now, when it’s needed for some balance. And, you vent away, say it all out here, for us who want to help and be here for you to cheer you on. One thing for sure, everything changes, and this crappy day with the sorrow from the vet, will be gone soon enough… Sending you special hugs and wish I lived closer so I could come grab some of that baklava! For my money, the one that let you slip away is … !!!!!!! you get to fill in the blank and trust me it ain’t about you. YOU ARE TERRIFIC!!!!!! xoxo P

  2. Shit happens but everything always works out and I’m sure it’s just a matter of time before it works out for you.
    I would have balled my eyes out if I got that letter, especially not when the “wound” is still so fresh

  3. It is all. So. Utterly. Wrong.
    The completely inept twits that fall into jobs they can’t do, with ridiculous salaries and benefits, where they drift along not caring a hoot; and then the people who CAN do simply get sidelined.

  4. Employers can be cruel and the bill doesn’t help. Please dance your life away and enjoy Mr. P and his son. I am so glad they entered your life. Sending good thoughts your away. Hugs to you, g.

  5. I give you full permission to leap up and run around like a looney until some of your frustration shifts on.
    Not being around for a while I missed a fair few blogs, what happened to your other job?

  6. J, I’m with you in heart. My vet group’s letter arrived today – it was lovely with personal messages from everyone. Your’s would have ripped my heart out. Thinking of you. Best ~ P a/k/a HuntMode

  7. Goodness, I was taken aback when I saw your heading because I just gave my post the same heading even though the content is different. Ghiatjie, I’m always thinking of you…everything has to work out sooner or later, *sending hugs*

  8. I know how hopeless you feel but you can only keep trying, right? The country is not ideal and it’s hard for everyone but you will get something. You incredibly intelligent plus you’ve got a whack on experience and the right job will come along. I don’t know any agents in your side of the world but I’ll keep a look out for you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s