Have to just…

Get this out of my system. And profanity will unfortunately be involved.

Guess what the topic is?

In all probability, you guessed right.

It would be men. Although, not men as such, but how they make me feel.

So. The random the I spent a whole night talking to. He was perturbed about something. I asked him what in the name of everlasting fuck was going on, and I got this answer – “I’ve been holed up within myself like a mole for the last 2 years. Time for me to spread my wings”. Turns out the ass went for supper with yet another chick last night.

Ja well, no fine.

Good for you you fucking everlasting ass. Not that I care all that much, but really. Why bother saying the things you did if all you really wanted was a quick fuck? And when you did not even get that, you decided to spread your fucking wings? And I said to him, many times. Decide what you want this to be. If it’s just a screw you want, we can get right down to business and I’ll not hear from you again. If you want more than just a fuck, say so and we can take it from there. Either way, the decision was his to make. And since he made it, what other conclusion could I come to than that he might have wanted something slightly more lasting than a bag emptying exercise? There goes yet another so-called Christian – spouting Bible verses like I spout Frank Sinatra lyrics, giving my belief a bad name. Wanting to make me feel less of a believer because I don’t immerse myself in the teachings. Dude, you know what? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. With a stick sideways up your bloody ass! I can live my life perfectly well without your particular brand of hypocrisy.

Suffice to say, he’s been deleted and unfriended and the whole katoot and caboodle.

And I am now officially not on any dating site whatsoever. I can’t do this anymore. No matter what you say to them, how you word things, how you dress, or act, or smell – the bottom line is, they want to fuck. If you’re good looking, bargain, but it does not really matter where they get the fuck, as long as they get it. And I’m not sugar coating it, because there’ nothing but the harsh reality of life in these days. Sex is seemingly the only thing people worry about. And that’s ok. If that’s how you want to live your life, fine. It’s not how I want to live mine. I think there are much more to life than just getting your rocks off. I mean really!!!

I can’t say this is the general motivator for all people out there. I don’t know all people. It might be that I’m to blame or at fault for this. It might be society’s fault for things being the way they are. I might just be meeting all the asses. I just don’t know. And truthfully, I’d really not even worry about it anymore. When I’m on my own, I can be happy. I can be content with my life. The minute I bring a man into the mix, my emotions change – and never for the better. I feel bad about who and what I am. Yet another failure. Yet another person that finds me lacking in some way. Yet another man that is only satisfied with me because of what he thinks he wants from me.

And I can really not do this anymore. I don’t want to be broken by strangers because, even though I know what’s potting, there’s always the little niggle that tells me – what if this could be good? What if this person could stand by my and be with me on other levels too? They never are though. And it looks like they never will be.

Of course, a few good things – I can now, once again, go sit in front of my PC at night when I get home – don’t have to entertain some ass.

I can go for some or other dance thing every night of the week – because I don’t have to entertain some ass.

I can spend time with my kids when and where I can, because I don’t have to entertain some ass.

I can go dancing with the one relative buddy I have, because I don’t have to entertain some ass.

Here’s to living my life on my terms. Here’s to not being dictated by some ass. Here’s to not getting hurt by people that’s really not worth the time it took to write this post.

Here’s to me. Living my life. As best I can.



21 comments on “Have to just…

    • Past boiling pint H.
      I’ve really had enough now – time to call it quits, call it a day, throw in the towel, wash my hands – pick one. I’m done!

  1. The old adage: if it’s too good to be true, then it isn’t.
    A pleasant surprise will probably still happen when you least expect it. Doing social things for the sake of doing them is one good way to make it possible.

    • I will go dancing at the studio Col – that is probably the extent of my socialising. But I’ll not be at home the whole time, and even that will make a welcome change.
      I was quite disappointed I have to admit. Thought he was a decent dude. Turns out he was just a dude 😉

    • I am actually angry at myself – I mean you and I both know what’s potting. We’ve both been at the receiving end of dude crap. And I still allow them to make me feel less than I am?
      I should be slapped upside the head for allowing that to happen!
      Thanks for the applause IG – I know you know exactly where I’m at!!

      • The saddest thing is that we let men who actually DON’T deserve to even be in our lives judge and devalue us. I have realised that I don’t deserve this shit and they don’t deserve me. It’s MY rules this time, all or nothing….I won’t take it any more!

  2. Hmmm… Might be that you are an idiot magnet, hope not but don’t stop meeting people, there are men out there and yes we do think about sex a lot 🙂 but that doesn’t mean we we are just in it for the sex, at least I’m not but maybe I’m a minority but doubt it. I want a girl that I can laugh my ass off with, enjoy talking (yes talking) with, having sex with (yes) and just can be quiet with. Meet some girls that mainly it was just the physical attraction (they were airheads) so only one thing to do Lol. But girl, you will find yr guy that you can laugh, talk and just be quiet with for sure but if you put yrself totally out of the loop, that won’t happen. Risks has to be taken… Big kisses though.

    • I’ve been running the gauntlet of putting myself out there for the past 3 years. I really don’t mind sex – having it, talking about it, thinking about it, no problem. What I do have a problem with is that I’m treated as a bloody towel. If you’re going to wank, use your hand, not my body!
      No more. I will do what I do, go where I go, be where I have to be, but no more looking for some frikkin random man that may or may not be somebody worth knowing. They never are – and why do I need a man? I’ve got you and the Hillbilly and Col and Newsy – who needs more men?

  3. What a knob-head!!! Some men are such pricks when they insist on playing games.
    A friend of mine is also over the dating sites game – it appears too many men on those sites are there to just knob around.
    Good on you for dusting yourself off and moving on!!
    Sending you BIG gigantic hugs and a moerse high-five.

    • I can use all the hugs I can get Jac 😉
      I’m more angry at myself than at him – at least he was true to character!!
      I’ll survive this, and I’ll learn from it, and I will insist on living my life the way I want to live it. Not some random bloody knob-head!!

  4. Fuck ’em . . . 😉 strong, independent women move on and never end up being just a quick fuck. I don’t think you need that kind of aggravation when everything else is working for you without the presence of an ass. Feel me?? 😉

    • Thanks Tess.
      I wonder sometimes, we know what’s happening, we know all the pitfalls and possibilities, and we still allow this to happen?
      Strange things, humans 😉

  5. He’s such a royal ass. Maybe you do need some time out from men and dating but please don’t keep yourself from the world, it’ll be a sadder place without you

    • Who in the world even knows of my existence other than my family and you guys on the blogs?
      So, I’ll blog, and I’ll see my family – don’t really need much more than that 😉

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