Get this out of my system. And profanity will unfortunately be involved.
Guess what the topic is?
In all probability, you guessed right.
It would be men. Although, not men as such, but how they make me feel.
So. The random the I spent a whole night talking to. He was perturbed about something. I asked him what in the name of everlasting fuck was going on, and I got this answer – “I’ve been holed up within myself like a mole for the last 2 years. Time for me to spread my wings”. Turns out the ass went for supper with yet another chick last night.
Ja well, no fine.
Good for you you fucking everlasting ass. Not that I care all that much, but really. Why bother saying the things you did if all you really wanted was a quick fuck? And when you did not even get that, you decided to spread your fucking wings? And I said to him, many times. Decide what you want this to be. If it’s just a screw you want, we can get right down to business and I’ll not hear from you again. If you want more than just a fuck, say so and we can take it from there. Either way, the decision was his to make. And since he made it, what other conclusion could I come to than that he might have wanted something slightly more lasting than a bag emptying exercise? There goes yet another so-called Christian – spouting Bible verses like I spout Frank Sinatra lyrics, giving my belief a bad name. Wanting to make me feel less of a believer because I don’t immerse myself in the teachings. Dude, you know what? Fuck you and the horse you rode in on. With a stick sideways up your bloody ass! I can live my life perfectly well without your particular brand of hypocrisy.
Suffice to say, he’s been deleted and unfriended and the whole katoot and caboodle.
And I am now officially not on any dating site whatsoever. I can’t do this anymore. No matter what you say to them, how you word things, how you dress, or act, or smell – the bottom line is, they want to fuck. If you’re good looking, bargain, but it does not really matter where they get the fuck, as long as they get it. And I’m not sugar coating it, because there’ nothing but the harsh reality of life in these days. Sex is seemingly the only thing people worry about. And that’s ok. If that’s how you want to live your life, fine. It’s not how I want to live mine. I think there are much more to life than just getting your rocks off. I mean really!!!
I can’t say this is the general motivator for all people out there. I don’t know all people. It might be that I’m to blame or at fault for this. It might be society’s fault for things being the way they are. I might just be meeting all the asses. I just don’t know. And truthfully, I’d really not even worry about it anymore. When I’m on my own, I can be happy. I can be content with my life. The minute I bring a man into the mix, my emotions change – and never for the better. I feel bad about who and what I am. Yet another failure. Yet another person that finds me lacking in some way. Yet another man that is only satisfied with me because of what he thinks he wants from me.
And I can really not do this anymore. I don’t want to be broken by strangers because, even though I know what’s potting, there’s always the little niggle that tells me – what if this could be good? What if this person could stand by my and be with me on other levels too? They never are though. And it looks like they never will be.
Of course, a few good things – I can now, once again, go sit in front of my PC at night when I get home – don’t have to entertain some ass.
I can go for some or other dance thing every night of the week – because I don’t have to entertain some ass.
I can spend time with my kids when and where I can, because I don’t have to entertain some ass.
I can go dancing with the one relative buddy I have, because I don’t have to entertain some ass.
Here’s to living my life on my terms. Here’s to not being dictated by some ass. Here’s to not getting hurt by people that’s really not worth the time it took to write this post.
Here’s to me. Living my life. As best I can.