And that was just the start of this seemingly endlessly horrible day.
And we’re barely at 9:30 am. Have to wonder how it will end…
It would seem that the ants have started their gathering for winter already. A feverish scurrying for everything and anything they can lay their little pinchers on. And that would include the water in my kettle. Hence the ants in my coffee. Never fear though. I got the tea strainer out and will be using that in future 😉
Left home at the usual time. Did not leave late, or even just after 7, I left before. Usually an hour is enough to get me to work. Unfortunately, I did not take into account the fact that it was Monday today. And that apparently everything that can possibly go wrong, will. So I stand. And I stand. Have to look at taxi’s barelling past me on the wrong side of the road, skipping the rest of the cars, and pushing in at the front. And I’m absolutely helpless to prevent that from happening. And then I stand some more.
Get to Kyalami just on 8 am – robot’s dead. Are there Metro cops doing point duty? Hell no!! Don’t be silly! That’s not their job! That’s the job of the Outsurance pointsmen – and they only just rocked up there. Have not even taken off their little helmets or anything – they’re not the people trying to get to work – they’re already there.
It’s times like these that I really have to wonder – is it really worth the effort of actually getting up in the morning?
To top it off, I was late for work. I messaged early already, but there’s nothing stopping from people saying you’re tardy. Believe me, if I had any control over it, I would not be late – in actual fact, I’m hardly ever late. And the only times I am it’s because of traffic. I just don’t know if the managers see it like that. Or if they even take it into account.
And there I go again. Doubting any decision I make, every little thing I do. Not feeling comfortable enough to make a decision and stand by it. Not feeling sure enough of myself and the reception I’m likely to get when making any decision. Don’t get me wrong. I can make decisions. And I’m quite prepared to stand by the decision I made. If I have the backing of my boss. And I’m not so certain I do have that.
And that’s never a good feeling to have. Being adrift at sea, no help to be found, just you, floundering, trying to keep head above water, swallowing more and more water until eventually, you sink beneath the water and drown.
It is very likely a hormonal thing this. Soon to be over. Alas, it seems to be getting progressively worse as the months go by. Whereas before I could handle the fluctuations relatively easily, these days it’s becoming more and more difficult to see the light. Any light.
I can only hope that today will not end as it began.