This song was written to be a suicide note. Apparently even the Mighty Joel suffered from being human at least once in his life.
Not that those plans are anywhere near completion or anything, but this was kind of a fitting song for the mindset I currently find myself in.
Been thinking about the Porra last night. And the many men I’ve met in the past 2-3 years.
They’re not bad men as such. They don’t go around raping and pillaging. they don’t hit women or stalk them. They have day jobs, and cars and houses. A few kids hanging around that they pay maintenance for. Some have dogs, some have cats, some have birds. Some travel, some just camp, some parks off at home.
Normal people for the most part.
However. They all share the same view of what they need a woman for. And I mean all. The ones I actively looked for as well as the ones that came across my way purely by accident. My Brother in law. A friend of his. All the different pond scum.
All share the same view.
And we’re not talking companionship or any kind of partnership here. Just straight up, quickly done with, sex.
The doubts have set in a long time ago. Do they treat all women like this, or only me? Is it even possible for so many men to feel the way they do about women? Since I am the only common denominator, it goes without saying that it has to be me then, not so?
I do realise that females can be superlatively evil beings. I know of cases where the female left with just about everything the man owned – cleaned him out. Know of instances where the guy was used as a wallet. Where they treated the men quite as bad as men have treated women.
I know I’m not like those females out there. I have my own stuff, no need for a man’s things – even when I moved out from the ex, I only took my things with me. Sure, I even took my plants, but they were mine, and I knew how they would be treated had I left them there. The times when I did go to the Porra and he gave me money for petrol was not my finest moment, I can assure you!!
I can in all honestly say that I’ve always tried to see anybody as they are. Realising that their faults and quirks are a direct consequence of their life experiences. And I realise we’ve all been hurt by somebody somewhere along the line.
Unfortunately though, men seems to treat everybody guilty until proven innocent. I try and take the view of innocent until proven guilty. And so far, unfortunately, they’ve all been proven guilty.
It could all be my fault. I could, on a deeper level, be pushing them away. Subconsciously keeping them from getting closer than I can handle them. I’ve always thought that if somebody was worth knowing, you would push through until that person sees your worth. Then again, even if I do like a guy, I never push until he sees my worth. Men don’t seem to mind doing the pushing. But they mind very much if a woman does that. Then you’re a stalker or a needy cow, or crazy or something. I never push. If a dude stays away, I delete his number. Maybe that’s wrong too.
Alas, every rejection from a dude just makes the wall a bit higher and thicker. Just adds to the scab. Gives more credence to the fact that men really are intrinsically all the same.
Or maybe it’s just me that stays the same. Either way. I have two choices. Either change, or accept myself. And then I have to live with the consequences of my decision.
Hope the day is a good one!