…has never been one of my vices.

I smoke like a chimney or a car with bad piston rings. On occasion I swear like a drunken sailor, but I can count the number of times I have been drunk on my one hand.

Of course, not drinking makes me a bit of a drag at most social gatherings where alcohol plays a major role. Not for me the complete and utter loss of inhibitions and control that comes with a good drinking session.

Yet another reason why I avoid big gatherings of people for the most part. Nothing worse than being the only sober person in a see of idiocy – something I can quite happily live my life without.

My current place of work though, deal in alcohol. Literally. They sell forgetfulness by the bottle 😉

Therefore, they have to know about these things.

Which brings me to the real topic of conversation.


I’ll be the first one to admit that I have a HUGE, gaping hole in my education regarding wine. Can’t stand the stuff, unless it’s a very sweet dessert wine. And even that I can only stomach in small quantities.

Now, you get wine. And then you get WINE. With cultivars and blends and all kinds of things. Now I’m not talking papsak here. These are the things that’s matured in this kind of barrel or casket, blended with another type of red or another type of white – don’t get me wrong – I know you get pinotage and merlot, and shiraz and chardonnay – I just don’t drink it. But have you ever heard anything quite as pompous sounding as a person waxing lyrical about the nose of a wine, and the body, and how the colour mimics this or the blend compliments that, or that they harvested the grapes too late or too early, or WTF ever!

Damn people!!!

It’s alcohol. You chuck it down your gullet and get drunk from it.

I get the feeling that people think I’m a cretin because I don’t drink wine. Think I’m kind of a stupid person because I can really not see the fun in carrying on about something that tastes worse than the inside of my ashtray. To me in any case. I like Jack Daniels. And Johnny Walker. Not that I drink them all that often, and there are a whole slew of people out there that can’t stand whiskey of any kind. One of the people here actually educated me the other  day – apparently, just because I don’t drink, I don’t know anything about drink. So I was told that Jacks is actually a bourbon and not a whisky – which is exactly why I like it. And Jim Beam on occasion too.

But don’t think I’m stupid or ignorant just because I don’t like something. If I say I don’t like it, it’s not just because I’m being difficult or anything – it’s because I’ve tried it, and I did not like it. Sure, I won’t look all sopisticated talking in a snooty accent about this and that and the other with my glass of wine held just so, tilted just so – so pretentious!!

But don’t look at me as if I’m missing something great just because I can’t see the merit in drinking something that actually activates my gag reflex after a few swallows…if you’ll excuse the innuendo – or is it just me 😀

I’d much rather have a cafe Mocha. Or a chocolate milkshake. A warm cup of hot, sweet, milky tea. A well made cuppochino or a cup of Turkish coffee – those would be my poisons of choice.

Sure, you don’t generally hang up your hangups while drinking a cup of coffee. You don’t generally become a different, freer person either.

In my case though, I get to look myself in the mirror without worrying about what I did the night before. And if I do break loose, it will be with my faculties intact.

Now please, don’t misunderstand. If you like wine, I’m happy for you. That’s your choice. We all have things we like and don’t like. I’m not judging you in the slightest. That was not what this post was about in any way shape or form. I was laughing at the pretentiousness of people and their wines.  Silly people!


18 comments on “Alcohol…

  1. Heehee!
    At least I am not the only one!
    There are a few I drink, yes as they r sweet and I can handle them. But don’t get me started on the nose and bouquet and colour and swirl and what not….. Really, who gives a continental!

    Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom – let your email find you!

  2. Oh, you really made me laugh. I can’t stand wine snobs either. I can take it or leave it, and to me, the price of the wine doesn’t necessarily make it taste better. I have someone in my family, but only related through marriage, who is the worst wine snob ever, and looks down her nose at anyone who doesn’t appreciate the “the nose, the body, and the various other attributes” of the most expensive wines which she insists on ordering, even if we’re paying the bill. 😦

    • She probably orders the most expensive bottle, BECAUSE you guys are paying for it 😉
      I can only laugh at those folks. My problem is, I generally do it out loud. And in their presence. And that’s not always appreciated 😉

      • I’m a bad person, I know, but sometimes I hide behind my atrocious personality, and use it to royally piss people off to such an extent that they just give up and go home 😉
        Generally I try and be nice, but on some occasions it’s such fun to be a total bitch – and get away with it!!

  3. I only drink occasionally and I have only been drink out of my socket once (I haven’t touched tequila since that night). I see no point in getting so drunk that you can’t remember what happened and I sure don’t want to make a fool out of myself either.
    To me, wine is wine, whiskey is whiskey and brandy is brandy. I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference even if it was dancing naked in front of me! 🙂

    • I know the difference between what I like and what I don’t like – but, as I said, I have a few years on you 😉
      As for getting piss drunk, been there, done that, not as much fun as you would have thunk!!
      Getting drunk on tequila, well, maybe not the best idea you’ve ever had 😉
      My last time was with Jagermeister – probably about something stupid like 8 years ago?

  4. A good red wine occasionally, or a good beer for that matter, does no harm as long as it is done in moderation. I cannot tell you exactly what a wine smells or tastes like or if it has a hint of something…. But if it tastes and smells ok then have some. Some of those I have liked have actually come very cheaply and dont have any real pedigree to go by. And yes I agree, drunk people are just stupid!

    • I’m not a teetotaller by any means. I just never have money to waste on alcohol. I prefer coffee if I go out.
      And I can really not stand the taste of wine. It literally makes me sick. Beer, only one, ice cold. Love a shandy though 😉

  5. I like a very cold glass of wine with ice – its not done that way, but I dont really care. Also dont know much about wine, my only requirement is that it has to be sweet. 🙂

  6. I love how you describe the wine drinkers! lol I love wine, but I know nothing about it, I’ve literally learnt by taste, what I like and don’t like. I finally realise why cheap is so… well cheap. The more expensives wines are the best! As you can see, I’m definitely a drinker but I’ve learnt not to harp on the non drinkers cos its so annoying when I’m not drinking and everyone else gives me a tough time for it.

    • I can really not stomach the stuff!!
      and I know no drinkers are a drag for the drinkers – that’s why i avoid situations like that as much as possible 😉

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