Seems to be broken.
In South Africa, generally, November is the start of Summer. Nice, hot, long days, a spot of rain every so often, but it’s over quickly, and then we;re back to being baked.
This year, however, things have been a bit topsy turvy. We had rain. Then we had some more. And then, still some more. I’m not complaining about all the water falling from the sky, but it’s not normal. The hail we’ve experienced on the East rand, while a somewhat regular occurence, usually there’s not much damage, because the hailstones are not usually as big as they were this year.
It means that there’s something really strange going on in the stratosphere and we’re paying the price for it here on earth!
Today, on the Highveld, the wind is blowing. Almost like the wind down in the Cape. And it’s cold! Quite unlike anything we usually experience.
Personally, my general malady is on-going. Not so much the job, at least I don’t think so. It;s this constant feeling of insecurity. I have to know where I’ll be in a few months time. I have to be certain that I can’t screw up enough to be let go again. I have to know that who and what I am, what I know, will not be found wanting. Again.
Is that even possible though? Can any of us really say with any certainty where we will be, or how we will be treated? How we, as individuals will be received and percieved by the rest of humanity?
It’s on days like these that I wish for my knight in shining armour. My Constable Carrot. My Samurai Jack. My Courage.
To take me away from the daily slog. Away from people that makes me feel insecure. Away from the drudgery. The enmity. The failures. To surround me with strength and safety. To hold the world away from me.
To tell me – “It’s going to be OK. I will look after you. I will keep you safe. I will be your haven. I will take your worries, and make it mine.”
Maybe, one day…
Until then, suppose I’ll just have to deal with life as best I can.