And no, I have not gotten lost. Yet.
Although my mind is a morass of dark thoughts. It seems I just can’t get rid of the blackness permeating every single thing I do or think about.
The job situation.
I’ve been without work now for almost 4 months. Not for want of trying though. I’ve been sending CV’s away – and not only one or two a day. Nope. I send out at least 10-15 if not more, every time I’m online.
It’s not as if there are no jobs – there’s plenty. I know, I’m applying for them. For some I’m perfectly suited. Others I will be with some training, or a refresher course.
Why then have I not received any call backs? Why have not a single place called me for an interview? Am I really that unemployable?
I’ve changed my CV to not be quite as daunting as it was. I’m applying for everything and anything I can see. I’m not expecting a huge salary, or even a managerial job – quite prepared to do just about anything.
What the hell am I going to do?
I have no options open to me.
Exept credit life insurance. And for that, I have to be dead. By something other than my own hand. And, truth be told, I don’t really want to die. Have always prided myself on the fact that I’m strong, I can weather any storm. This one is proving to be my biggest one yet. All because I’m completely powerless to change it. With emotional shit, I’m always able to remove myself from the situation. Handle it, stoically, until it goes away in reality.
And then it’s expected of me to celebrate Nelson Mandela’s b day today. 67 minutes or sum such for charity. Maybe it would have helped me to see that I’m not that badly off. Then again, in the darkness of my mind, I struggle to see the upside in anything.
Forgive me if I’m not too favourably inclined towards the supposed “Big Man” and his ideals. Because his ideals were never for me or my kind. Just his own lot, and they’re not quite living up to his standards at the moment.
He has not really done anything for me, and his cronies are doing everything in their power to push me out of the way.
I can’t compete with skincolour. Only with skills.
And that, in the New South Africa, means as little as a band aid over a leg fracture.
Hopefully your day is going better than mine…