Such a cool word, don’t you think?
It conjures pictures of a cauldron, bubbling with a thick, dirty-green substance. Surrounded by the stench of rotten eggs and just a hint of eye of newt – whatever that smells like…
And when it’s linked with emotions, the same applies. When your soul is filled with vitriol, it’s not a good place to be. It’s not a good thing to see. And it’s never good to be around a person filled with vitriol. As I am at this moment.
It was like this yesterday after I came home from the market. Where lots of people fondled the merchandise, and just walked off without buying anything. They have the audacity to come to a place where people are desperate enough to sit behind a table, trying to swallow the humiliation of having hordes walk by and pity you, and all they do is fondle. And then, one of the stall holders behind us, has the nerve to ask for a scarf made from the wool of one of the bags I knitted. Don’t want what’s there, wants something else. Also, she does not speak to me about it, speaks to my sister. Probably because my “Fuck off” button was pulsing bright red yesterday. And since it’s in the middle of my forehead, my sister made me walk around the whole time. I sold a grand total of 3 items yesterday. Nobody even picked up any of the pottery things we made.
Now, how on earth do I feel positive about this? Do I spend another R250 on the stall next month, if the only thing that sells there seems to be food. Yep, every person that walked past us had moving jaws. Vetkoek and jaffels and pancakes and burgers and chiprolls – you name it, they were eating it. And then they would use those same hands to fondle my things?
I doubt that I would go sit there again. They do have a shop where you can take your stuff, and somebody just mans it. Is a bit cheaper than having an actual table, and it means I don’t have to sit there and look all hopeful and pitiful.
Might try a different market, in a different place, see if the clientele is any different, and if people everywhere just comes to a flea market to eat themselvew into even bigger sized clothes and fondle other people’s hard work.
Or do people really not want to spend money on handmade things? Is it because they think it’s rubbish? That something made by hand is somehow less worth it than something made by some chink in China? DO they really rather want to buy cheap, mass-made things? It’s not even as if I’ve priced my things too high. For all the time and effort I put in, they would have gotten it for a song.
But that’s what you get for being dependant on PEOPLE for your livelihood. Measuring your self-worth against what others think of you is a natural reaction. And this would be why I would gladly sever all human ties. I would happily live in a cave, keeping my human contact to a bare minimum. Only see people when I have no other choice, and my interaction would be by the faceless, emotionless, touchless, safe medium of cyberspace.
So yes. For all of you that wished me well, thanks. I do appreciate the good will.
Unfortunately, it would seem that I wil have to find another avenue to create some kind of revenue.
Think a BSDM dungeon might make some money? At least that way, I get to take my frustrations out on the very people responsible for them…
Time to, once again, cart kids around.
Hope you have a wonderful Sunday…