…that will not be stopped.
Yes, I am indeed feeling sorry for myself. I realise that this is an entirely futile exercise. One that does not do me, or the people around me any good. Yet, it will not be stopped. Refuses to go away. Will not be removed with a few well-chosen platitudes, or even a stern talking-to.
It seems stuck.
At least for a while.
Reason for this will most probebly found in the fact that the kids will be spending Sunday with their father. Because it’s his wife’s birthday. Also happens to be Mother’s day. No real biggie, I mean, it’s not as if the day itself means anything but an excuse for them to behave like tyrants for 364 days of the year, and loving kids for 1.
Then I thought, OK, I’ll spend the day with my mom. Not because I really want to, but because she’s my mom, and I might as well. But no. Mom’s going to visit family for the weekend with my aunt. Also good – gets her out of the house, and keeps her busy with things other than her thoughts.
Last resort. The Porra. He’s got no mom any more, so maybe he’ll be at loose ends for the day. Uhhhmm, it sucks to be me on Sunday! He’s picking up the boys. He LOVES spending time with them, they’re his dudes after all… Things I totally understand, and commend him for.
Leaves me at a complete loose end though. Another day spent on my own. Everybody around me busy with their own things – as can be expected, it’s not as if Earth stopped revolving because I’m at a loose end for a day…
Which makes the unstoppable feelings that much worse.
Because, in reality, I’m well aware of the fact that life does go on. That one day more on my own is not really going to break the bank. That another morning having a sleep-in will not make or break my life. That a father’s main job is to spend time with his kids. That my kids are only trying to keep the peace between their parents. That I will most certainly not die if I don’t have anybody to spend time with on any given day – that fact has been proven many times over. Birthdays, Christmasses, New Years, Mother’s day – all days of the calender with a huge run-up and a very anti-climactic end.
Tonight I will immerse myself into being sorry for myself.
Tomorrow might very well be different…