On feelings…

…that will not be stopped.

 

Yes, I am indeed feeling sorry for myself. I realise that this is an entirely futile exercise. One that does not do me, or the people around me any good. Yet, it will not be stopped. Refuses to go away. Will not be removed with a few well-chosen platitudes, or even a stern talking-to.

It seems stuck.

At least for a while.

Reason for this will most probebly found in the fact that the kids will be spending Sunday with their father. Because it’s his wife’s birthday. Also happens to be Mother’s day. No real biggie, I mean, it’s not as if the day itself means anything but an excuse for them to behave like tyrants for 364 days of the year, and loving kids for 1.

Then I thought, OK, I’ll spend the day with my mom. Not because I really want to, but because she’s my mom, and I might as well. But no. Mom’s going to visit family for the weekend with my aunt. Also good – gets her out of the house, and keeps her busy with things other than her thoughts.

Last resort. The Porra. He’s got no mom any more, so maybe he’ll be at loose ends for the day. Uhhhmm, it sucks to be me on Sunday! He’s pickingย up the boys. He LOVES spending time with them, they’re his dudes after all… Things I totally understand, and commend him for.

Leaves me at a complete loose end though. Another day spent on my own. Everybody around me busy with their own things – as can be expected, it’s not as if Earth stopped revolving because I’m at a loose end for a day…

Which makes the unstoppable feelings that much worse.

Because, in reality, I’m well aware of the fact that life does go on. That one day more on my own is not really going to break the bank. That another morning having a sleep-in will not make or break my life. ย That a father’s main job is to spend time with his kids. That my kids are only trying to keep the peace between their parents. That I will most certainly not die if I don’t have anybody to spend time with on any given day – that fact has been proven many times over. Birthdays, Christmasses, New Years, Mother’s day – all days of the calender with a huge run-up and a very anti-climactic end.

So.

Tonight I will immerse myself into being sorry for myself.

Tomorrow might very well be different…

 

 

 

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10 comments on “On feelings…

  1. Now that you explain it, I totally understand where you’re coming from. I’ve suffered those days too, alone, minus the kid on holidays and special days because she was with her father. And you ARE right; nothing can make you feel better. You must just put one foot in front of the other. Sad to say.

    Maybe you can wonder in the garden and appreciate Mother Nature. Sometimes that stirs the soul.

    • That’s probably exactly what I will do Tess.
      Park off on my multicoloured garden set, have a sip of coffee and just soak in the quiet.
      One day at a time eventually gets the race won ๐Ÿ˜‰

  2. I have never had kids, so I can’t relate, but I love the times I have spent over the years doing my own thing. I am kind of an intravert anyways, but I can go fishing, or golfing, by myself for hours upon end. No family or friends in sight! I figure God has these solo times for me for a reason.
    I see plenty of my friends who have every second, of every day, booked solid, and boy, do they complain about it. So cheer up my friend! I will have some cold ones for ya on Friday.

    • Don’t get me wrong Bill, the less I see people, the happier I am.
      Suppose it’s just a feeling of being thrown over for a stranger so to speak – it will pass.
      Might work in a breakfast, or sleep, or even go to church.
      I’ve probably had more alone time these past few months than I’ve had in years – and that’s maybe another reason.
      But, as I said, everything’s eventual – I’ll be sharing the cold ones with ya on Friday ๐Ÿ˜‰

  3. I don’t have a mother, had many stepmoms and almost-soon-to-be moms, but never really felt that appreciation for mother’s day, although I know what it’s about… Like ghia said, it’s a pointless day.

    But I’ll have a present ready for you next time I see you, and you know what it is!! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Sleep tight, beautiful lady! ๐Ÿ˜‰

    • It would be a nice thing to have my kids appreciate me all the time, and not only on Mother’s day.
      As for you not knowing a mom – that must really kind of suck – can’t imagine my life without my mom! Even though she makes me crazy sometimes, she’s still there when I need her.
      Thanks for the gift young man ๐Ÿ˜‰
      It’s going to fit perfectly on my pink wall ๐Ÿ˜‰

  4. WEll, I hardly ever get to spend Mother’s day with either of my children, because they live too far away, but I always make the day about MY Mom, and of course, I also get cards and flowers. ๐Ÿ˜‰ Give your Mom a special treat on Mother’s Day. She deserves it. xxx

    • I sort of know what it feels like to have the kids so far away from you.
      I will be sure to give mom something she will appreciate ๐Ÿ˜‰

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