Friday's funnee…

Howdy folks!

Hope all is well?

Only thing not well in my world is the fact that I’m still unemployed.

One has to wonder just exactly what employment agencies does all day long?

The one spot I’ve been to, everybody was busy – looked like a veritable ant-heap.

Quite clearly they are not busy getting people in for interviews.

Or rather, they’re not getting me in.

A buddy phoned me yesterday – tells me he read some research on CV’s and such.

Apparently, the average time spent on any CV by one of these head hunters is something stupid like 12 seconds.

How on earth can you get a feel for a person in 12 seconds? On paper no less?

Don’t the CV’s deserve just a little more attention?

Then he went on to tell me I should change my CV every time I send it off – to make it more specific to the position I’m applying for…

While that makes sense, it’s just not feasable.

Not on the websites in any case.

And then you have to save the cv you sent so you know what you sent to whom…

I have decided to shorten the 11 page monster I currently have to a one pager – with contact details, a paragraph about me, and a list of my job skills.

If they want the whole kit and caboodle, they can contact me for it.

Think maybe that might do the trick.

I don’t know what else to do.

I even sent a CV off to my other old employers – still have had no reply from them – but maybe, just maybe, they will take me back and I can breathe a sigh of relief.

The kid came up with an idea yesterday – we should start a garden service.

Now, the research has to start.

What they charge, what they do, how long they do it for – he’s already got 2 people wanting to leave the place they work at now, so labour is not a problem. We can fix my lawnmower, but it’s electric, and there’s not always people at home during the day. Have spades and forks if we really have to use mine, but we will need a bakkie of some kind. Not to mention the fact that he wants the 2 labourers to come and stay in my little outside hut, so claenup has to be done there as well as in the other one…

All just ideas, some money will have to be spent – money neither of us has in great supply.

But it’s not a bad idea – it will give him something to do during the day, a way to earn a salary, and we’ll be helping 2 other guys that’s working for a seriously sucky place.

Hope the day, and the weekend, treats you well…

JokesWareHouse.com

————————-
Two Old Pensioners
————————-

Two old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the
place where they first met.  Sitting at a café, the little old man says, “Remember the first time I met
you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner behind the gas
works, and I gave you one from behind.”

“Why, yes, I remember it well, dear,” replies the little old lady with a
grin.

“Well, for old time’s sake, let’s go there again. and I’ll give you one
from behind.”

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man sitting
next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to himself, thinking
it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners at it. He gets up and
follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two pensioners near the gas works.
The little old lady pulls off her knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady’s hips, and the little
old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes of the most
athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is banging
away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be described as
phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a blur, and they do
not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse and don’t
move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything
that equates to this — not in the movies, not from his friends, not from
his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, “I have to
know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50 years’
time!”

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed themselves.
Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, “Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that,
particularly at your age. What’s your secret? Could you shag like that
50 years ago?”

The pensioner replies, “Son, 50 years ago, that f*cking fence wasn’t
electrified.”

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32 comments on “Friday's funnee…

  1. My daughter found out yesterday that the coffee shop where she is working in Kolonnade is shutting down in 6 weeks. More stress that I can(not) handle.SO, now we are starting up a events planning company. Eldest son’s girlfriend already has a function to work on this Saturday and a charity event for the end of the year… She has some serious skills in that department and I am going to get the 2 of them to work it and start something up!It’s really a tough world out there

  2. The one page CV is a much better idea, especially for people with a short attention span. šŸ˜‰ I hope you have more success with it. the garden service could work, but don’t forget that you’ll probably have two more mouths to feed if they live on your property. Good luck and have a great weekend. xxx

  3. What bothers me is the fact that all the small businesses are closing – because they deal in luxuries mostly and that’s the first thing that goes…I wish them well…

  4. Who said anything about feeding?Pffft!! I don’t even feed myself, let alone strangers!!They can cook their own food – and buy it too!But yes – doing something ourselves seems to be the only way…

  5. The 1 page CV sounds smartstarting your own business may be good. but how much do you know about gardening? too many of them destroy gardens, i won’t let one near mine.

  6. not to worry Sidey – I know more than enough about gardening – I also know what not to do, so I think it will be just fine…It’s as with everything else – a little effort and you won’t have any problems…

  7. All the best Ghia, hope something comes up soon.I’ve always wanted to start something of my own, but its too much of a risk at the moment with 2 young kids and an unemployed hubby.Have a great weekend!

  8. bwahahaha those two! OMG! Should maybe have checked first.68ghia, it’s a tough one with the jobs. It’s a great idea to shorten your CV down to a single “hook” and pander to their 12-second habit. One must indeed customize a CV for each job, only highlighting the skills and qualifications relevant to the position and downplaying the rest. But the agencies are also up against politics, and I fear you might be too pale. Jobs are reserved these days… so probably your best bet for an income is indeed the garden service. One can rent a trailer for R100 per day, only make sure to include that cost in your fee and only to rent the trailer on days you have a job to do.As for the helpers, why do you have to provide accommodation for them from the word go? Surely they already live somewhere?

  9. Hei Chicka, I hear you on the job front. It is so difficult to find a job almost everywhere, but let’s keep hoping for something good to come along soon.Garden services sound good and researching all the stuff beforehand will give you an idea of how to progress. I do hope you give it a try. Goodluck.

  10. The big downside with running a garden service is the labour one needs to hire, no matter how well known to one or recommended or whatever. We tried it for some years, and were regularly let down badly even by the most valued of the employees, for whom we were working towards allocating shares in the business.

  11. What an anti climax for the pensioners….I hold thumbs that abreviating your CV will help find a good job!!

  12. I know just what you mean Col.I had them in my garden many years ago, and eventually I banned them from using the weed eater anywhere near my flower beds.I can only hope that, should I decide to do this, I would see it as a way to do the job decently instead of just a job…

  13. The guys in question curretnly live in Brits – too far to commute.But they’re good guys and not happy where they are at the moment.And, if we make them part of the business, instead of just workers, I’m thinking they might be more inclined to do a better job.I’m still working on the shortened version of my CV – try anything once, eh!

  14. Can you be more selective in the employment agencies? It is an insult if they treat a CV with so little time.

  15. It’ll be easier to customise a one page CV to highlight skills relevant to the job you are applying for , I wish you all the good fortune in the world. It can’t be easy , holding thumbs

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