White picket fences.

Is that not the dream?

 

Earth hour made me think of this.

As well as the dropping of the kid at a friend.

 

How nice it would have been to share the soft, candle-lit hour with a significant other, listening to the radio, maybe playing cards or a bord game – just being together.

 

How nice it wuld have been to share the reposnsibilities with a husband,

It’s been many years that I’ve had to drop off and pick up the kids by myself.

Early hours of the morning doing the taxi rounds.

Taking them to see nice things, teach them manners and responsibilities.

Making sure that they have food to eat, a place to stay, clean clothes to wear, schools to go to.

 

And even though I have the time and the almost inclination to find another partner of a sort, my time for White picket fences are over.

 

That’s the kind of thing that you get when you marry the young man of your dreams.

The one that makes your heart beat faster – not out of fear, but out of an immense feeling of love.

The one that realises that you are a person, the one that you can allow to be a person.

Mutual trust.

A naive belief in the goodness of people.

And such things only happen when you are very young.

Because you still believe in the greatness of love when you’re young.

 

Alas.

As you get older, and life starts biting, you lose some of that naivite.

You hide behind walls, guaranteed to keep everything out – be it good or bad.

You hold the person in front of you reaponsible for the deeds of the ones behind you – experience is a harsh task master.

You fear the new person – because he’s unknown.

And maybe, just maybe, you have not gotten rid of the past relationships and are picking another man that will hurt you, that will try and take your soul away from you.

You have a house, a car, furniture, tools – a life.

And somebody else might not fit into that life seamlessly.

You might not fit into his life seamlessly either.

 

It’s then that you have to ask yourself.

Which is the greater evil.

Beling alone, and mostly loving it.

Or being together and mostly fearing it.

 

Right this minute, I know what I would choose…

 

 

Long days and pleasant nights to all…

 

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8 comments on “White picket fences.

  1. Very nicely put. I’ve had the same dilemma for over 15 years: Being alone and mostly loving it (skip the mostly). Just LOVING it.

    I reached a certain age and decided I didn’t want to start picking up after somebody, doing their laundry, having to be around at mealtimes to cook, losing myself again. There’s not enough time NOW to do all the things I wish, how the heck would I be able to attempt to do them if I had to share my time with ‘someone’. Not fair to either or us. Anyway, I’m too old to change AND I have a hell of a good time with my lady friends.

    If you’re having a hard time deciding, maybe it’s not time yet.

    • I’ll just have to play it by ear – if the pro’s outweighs the cons, I might just go for it.
      Otherwise, I’ll happily hole up in my little house and watch the mad world pass me by!
      Or rather, have a weekend relationship 😉
      Week belongs to me, weekends to him – think that can work!!

  2. Well I hope you make the right decision when you’re face with that dilemma. It’s all about give and take, but I hear exactly what you’re saying. I don’t think I could be bothered to start all over again with a relative stranger. xxx

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