…is probably not what this will be!
Reason for that is that substance is not generally found in a disorganised mind.
Currently, in the darkness of my grey matter, the overall thoughts have to do with survival.
Finding a job, getting a paycheque, paying the bond and the accounts…
Underneath that, way underneath actually, the thought that some kind of partner might not be a bad idea – you know, a shoulder to cry on or a broad chest to snack on. Or something.
In-between the general irritatedness with my sister and mom and the kids’ general sullenness.
Indeed, not a post of substance.
These are the things that I’m currently dealing with.
And what’s in the heart, or rather, the mind, will out – in this case in words, in this particular post.
And if I take a step back and look at the people around me, I’m inclined to think I’m not that badly off.
Sure, I will be unemployed in the not too distant future.
That’s only a matter of time though – my job is out there, I must just find it and start.
If I look at Em that has a dead oesophagus – might have to be fed with a tube in the future.
Or look at my sister’s constant battle with a husband that could possibly be a bit more involved in the home life.
Or my mom dealing with cancer and wanting sympathy from me…
I’m not that badly off.
I live alone for the most part – don’t have to worry about mollycoddling some man.
If the kids have an issue, they can sort it out on their own – big enough.
If I don’t WANT to see people, I don’t.
If I don’t want to speak to you on the phone, I don’t answer.
I have my books, my hobbies, my health.
All I need now is a job and I think my life would be just peachy.
Even though it sometimes feel as if I can’t breathe.
Life has a way of just moving along – regardless of what you’re dealing with, what you’re struggling with.
The days follows one another, sunshine and moonshine, rain and open skies – one follows the other.
On and on.
And one day you realise that you’ve made it through the worst.