Maybe it’s the weather – looking kind of dreary here today.
Or maybe it’s the fact that I have 2 weeks of employment left – with no new prospects yet.
Could be the fact that my youngest is just lying around at home – not even attempting to do anything unless I tell him to.
Another possibility could be that the search for some kind of partner is just costing me money without any real rewards.
Could be good old PMS – that standard fallback for any kind of emotional upheaval in any woman – doubt it though.
Maybe, just maybe, I might be really depressed. And that would suck ass – big time.
Or maybe it’s just the Universe telling me that I should give over the driving seat to Somebody that’s more able than me to drive through this very rough patch.
I don’t rightly know what the issue is.
What I do know is that today I’m hard pressed to find any of my blessings real.
I know they’re there.
I’m just sick of recounting them to myself in an effort to be more positive, or feel better about life.
Life, and especially mine right this minute, bloody well sucks.
I don’t care if my effing pancreas is still operating! Wish it would just stop – then I won’t have to deal with this misery of a life anymore.
Don’t care that roses still smell nice, or that babies still have cute laughs, or that Mozart made beautiful music.
Today, I just don’t care.
I just want to wallow on my own.
Don’t want to see people.
Don’t want to hear them.
Don’t want to talk to them.
‘Tis not to be.
I will have to deal with people.
I will have to put a smile on my face.
Can’t let the world know something;’s wrong, now can I!!
That would just not do!
It might still improve – stranger things have happened…